600 miles (excerpt)

Thank you for coming to the show
It means more to me than you will ever know.
I travelled 600 miles just to tune my guitar
for the men playing pool and the ladies laughing at the bar

but you listened to every word that I said.
You offered me a ride and a beer and a bed
you told me I'm amazing and I promise it won't go to my head.

Thank you for the letter that you wrote.
I've been strugglin' just to keep myself afloat
I had rocks in my sweater and I was goin' for a swim
when she handed me your letter I was drownin' over him

but your words pulled me back from the tide
from the place where my fears and my failures collide.
I might have swallowed half the ocean just to wash down the taste of my pride

Empty Hands

You drink too much
I know because I do too
I recognize the bleary eyes that belong to you.
you resent the forgetting
blaming me for pointing out the points that were upsetting
when you howl at the sky
when the dark side rises out of your skin
again and again
like clockwork
a knee jerk reaction to something deep within your bones
something still unknown but always there, staring me in the face.
I am standing farther away, trying to keep the demons at bay
but missing the person that they inhabit.
trying to explain, but you won't have it.
your ears are filled with sand.
your heart is torn in strands.
your plate is full
but empty hands

Common Cement

To pull you from the flames

To pull you from the flames of love gone wrong
would take a giant and I am not that strong.
you wipe your lips
they smell of kerosine and feed the flames
for only you unseen.

Perfection, not a virtue I would fit
to ask of you would I turn hypocrite?
I stand aside and watch the clouds of smoke
I offer water and but still you choose to choke.

2 Years

2 years ago today I had just moved into a basement apartment. I was sleeping on a blowup mattress and the floor had just been finished so I was dealing with a constant nausea that comes from breathing in fumes. I had just finished a stint of sleeping on people's sofas for over a year, traveling like a wandering gypsy, bags and guitar in tow. The blowup mattress was a big step up.

I rushed with my guitar and equipment to a show held at Cadman Plaza in Brooklyn for Marriage Equality New York. As everything was being setup,I spied a boy in tight jeans with nice legs and very cute floppy ears. I told my friend that he would be my boyfriend. I of course never made eye contact or tried to approach him. It was more of a joke. I had given up on dating. My life at that point in fact did not even leave room for flirtation. I was content with and resigned to being alone.

I performed a set as my self while two dragqueen friends, Chic and Sassy held umbrellas over my head to sheild me and my guitar from the rain. Then, I performed a set as Kitt & Kaboodle, my cabaret alter-ego with Jeff Cubeta. I was packing up my guitar and winding down when I was approached by a tight jean wearing floppy eared boy. He asked if I had a mailing list. I said yes, but I had rushed and didn't have it with me. He seemed dejected. Was he flirting with me? I was impervious to such things and oblivious perhaps, but hopeful. Maybe I wasn't content with being alone. I had seen him earlier walking around with a microphone followed by a camera crew. I asked him what they were filming for and he told me it was for a television show produced by the LGBT community center. I gave him my email address and told him to email me to let me know when the show aired. (this is the short version, btw. He left and then came back minutes later. I thought I had scared him away...and the whole throughout the whole situation I was very confused with his intentions...if it was flirtation, professional networking...I had no clue.)

I received an an email a few days later

"Hello, Im the guy with the camera from the marriage rally. The show
will be airing the third thursday of June in Manhattan on time warner
34 at 1030 and some other time on BCAT. You can also watch it online
at gaycenter.org/out.
Also if you ever want to grab a coffee or something that would be great."

I responded:


"Hey Konstantine (a.k.a. guy with the camera)

Thanks for the info. I don't own a television, so I'll
have to check it out on the website.

I am always up for grabbing a coffee or something. If
that something involves an old wooden rollercoaster in
Coney Island or a game of pool, even better.
I'm free Thursday evening,this friday from 2-4pm or after
8pm(very specific, I know), and then I'm in Minneapolis
doing a show, but I'll be back on Monday."

I will spare you the details and just say, the rest is history.
Two year later, I'm engaged to a floppy eared boy who looks quite hot in tight jeans.
oh and he is smart and sweet and kind and gentle and all that stuff... If you need a puke bucket, I totally understand.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Occasionally a movie comes along that is so horribly bad that it's amazingly awesome. One of those is Coffy with Pam Grier, an absolute classic in my book.
The question is, Can Deborah (Debbie electric youth) Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas pull off the so horrible it's amazingly snakes on a plane good with their newest picture Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. It's a challenging balancing act. You watch the trailer and decide.


btw, if this does not go straight to DVD, I am so going to the theater to see this. That is no joke. Who's with me?

remember these?

Peak a boo

Hello out there. Testing testing, is this thing on?
It has been a while since I've written here.
I promise that I am still alive, still working on music, still breathing and all. I've still got ten fingers and ten toes and an overabundance of love for bacon despite the hysteria over a little flu. Swine flu? really? Is this what it's come to? It's just a different strain of the blu people. It's not the end of the world. It's not ebola.

I'd much rather read headlines about pirates. I know that it's tragic and all, but I kept looking at cnn's website and seeing headline about pirates. I let out a little arrg in my head. I pictured men with patches over their eyes and scarves on their heads, brandishing swords and swinging in on ropes to kidnap unsuspecting passengers.
The word pirate makes me smile. I'm not totally sure why. It doesn't even have to be proceeded by the word butt to make me do it.

There has been much going on with my family. It has really taken its toll on me. One bright spot of light that peaked through the clouds was my sister who came to visit us in New York. She is 4 months pregnant, expecting a boy, so needless to say her visit focused around food and her desire to eat it. I have no complaints on that front.

this is all for now...peak a boo. I'll be back with you soon

Bread: An instructional Video

I wanna protect you from the people
singing hymns of love under the steeple
who don't even know what being a christian is all about

I wanna protect you from the picket lines
from the red faced people
with hate filled signs
kiss your limp wrist and let the closed fists have their closed minds.

cuz you are beuatiful no matter what they say
they chose to be like that
you were born this way
and god will kiss your face on the judgement day

May-oh-no-no!

Mayonaise is like the poor man's butter, you can add it to almost anything and increase the fatty goodness and flavor. What would Potato salad or tuna salad or a BLT be without mayo. I hobble through this world carrying many sinful vices , one of which is an overindulgance in foods of a fatty nature. Bacon is at the top of the list, but in a close third just behind butter there is Mayo.

Recently I thought it necessary to buy a giant tub of mayo as part of my stockpiling madness. I also recently turned up the temperature of the fridge because things had been freezing. I noticed more recently that milk seems to go bad so quickly, but attributed this to the fact that it was fresh milk from the farmer's market. Perhaps, I turned the temperature up too high in the fridge, yes the same one with the giant tub of mayo. Do you see the kitten tied to the railroad tracks? in other words the impending doom facing my belly?

We were invited to dinner on Thursday by our friends Jason and Simon. Jason cooked an amazing meal centered around one of my favorite forms of pig, the porkchop. We had wine, enjoyed music and the company of Jason's friend Heather. All was well in the world. We said our goodbyes and walked home.

When we got home I was a bit peckish, so I made veggie burgers from frozen patties and put some mayo and ketchup on the side. I awoke to the sound of K vomitting but thought nothing of it. People vomit. I made myself a sandwich for lunch slathered with a generous helping of mayo. A couple hours after eating said sandwich, I began to get extremely nauseous. I ran to the bathroom and went all Linda Blair on the toilet. I still did not make the mayo connection, but thought perhaps we had both gotten a stomach bug similar to the one I had wrongly blamed on the empanada place. I think they may have closed. I think it might have been my fault. Oh dear. The last stomach bug was extremely contageous and basically struck everyone. I watched all my friends fall like dominoes around me. Well, anyway I heard no word of anyone else being sick and I will spare you the gorry details, but I have never in my life vomitted like I did on Friday. I could not hold down water and the pain was horrific. I spent Saturday in bed most of the day just recovering from Friday, but luckily by Sunday I was back to normal.

So, with picnic season fast approaching, please heed the warning of making sure you keep all dishes containing mayo nice and cold. Don't let what happened to me happen to you. On the upside if it does happen to you, the weightloss side-effect is amazing. I lost that last stuborn 5 pounds around my waistline and just in time for spring break. ;)

Ricky, You are an angel and you know why

I'll send you an email shortly, but thank you in advance. I hope that Minneapolis is thawing. We had hail, thunder and lightning this evening? I may have angered God.

R

Big Edie is watching you!

This weekend K and I watched the original documentary Grey Gardens from the 1970's. It is truely a brilliant doc. and slightly if not entirely crazy, which of course means it's right up my ally. I previously had blogged about my excitement for the HBO original movie with Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. I have asked my friend Marc to save it on his DVR since we are pioneers truding through the world without cable.

Something strange happened this evening. I received an email from the official Grey Gardens website telling me that they have relaunched. I have never visited the official Grey Gardens site nor signed up for any email list pertaining to that site. I feel a bit creeped out. Does the official Grey Gardens website read The Rant?

If so, hey little Edie! What up?

WHAT THA HELL??

Sore Fingers

Photo by Carrie Thomas

My fingers are sore today and the tips are white from the combination of about 4 hours of piano and 3 or 4 hours of guitar playing yesterday.
I have been teaching myself a few of my new songs on piano.
It's interesting, because I find that there is more of a classical inspiration when I put things to piano, whereas guitar seems to draw me to a place more rooted in folk.

What I really want is a djembe. K and I passed a shop the other day full of African Art and Djembes which are handmade by this one man from Senegal. He even goes to Africa every year and picks out the goats to be slaughtered for the skins that are stretched to make the drums. I will hopefully get one soon, because I feel it is part of the sound I want for some of the newer recordings (yet to be recorded but what I hear in my head)

Grey Garden on HBO April 18th

Today K goes deep into Brooklyn to return our cable box.
As part of a buckling down and tightening of the purse strings
we have gotten rid of cable and our landline phone.
Not to fret though, the internet is still up and running.
Despite being cut off from cable television, I recently caught the trailer for HBO's Grey Gardens starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. I must say that I'm dying to see it.
After doing a little research I learned that Drew took a year of diction lessons and completely immersed herself in the role. You can read a bit about her process for taking on the character here. I ran into Drew once on the street and she was sweet as a peach.

And now without further babbling on my part, behold a preview of Grey Gardens...

Critters: Bat hitches ride to space

"A bat that was clinging to space shuttle Discovery’s external fuel tank during the countdown to launch the STS-119 mission remained with the spacecraft as it cleared the tower, analysts at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center concluded.

Based on images and video, a wildlife expert who provides support to the center said the small creature was a free tail bat that likely had a broken left wing and some problem with its right shoulder or wrist. The animal likely perished quickly during Discovery’s climb into orbit." [Nasa]

aw, this poor critter got a rather rude awakening while trying to take a nap on the side of the space shuttle discovery.

Divine

Photo by Carrie Thomas

I have loved you wondering if love was born from your loving me or from my own sense of something wet below your belt. I have loved you like a child staring at an icecream truck knowing that there is some relief from the heat of summer.
I have loved you selfishly with the need to feed
the need to feed the hungry parts inside me
yearning to be fed
yearning for your body in my bed.
I have not forgotten how to eat
how to cook the meal or to zest the peal
to add that special something to the dish.
I have learned a new language of seasonings
a new avenue of reasoning from every kiss.
I love you because I want to, not out of fear
of coming winter, not out of fear that nothing better may come.
I know nothing better may come because I have loved you
and after eating a dish so devine and drinking your lips stained with wine,
I have been shown what loving truely is divine.

light and dark

Photo by Carrie Thomas

sometimes the light fades to black so slowly that you don't notice that it's out
until you're grappling with your hands like they belong to a stranger
until your feet stumble over one another and you've lost sight of left and right.
one foot in front of another is often the best that we can do,
a forceful dance with instinct...driven back to the beginning, crawling and learning to walk again. Sometimes a match is suddenly struck in the dark and we find ourselves dancing, waltzing inappropriately to a chopin tune that was designed more for contemplation. The light, the spark that drives our feet to move knows no sense of propriety. This is the truth. Think about it and you will trip over your own feet a carbon smell fills the air. a glimpse of smoke and a return to dark

Kitten of the day: St. Patrick's Day edition