Thursday, September 13, 2018


I recently found myself in a bit of an emotional slump, the kind of depressions that covers you like a chunky sweater with no buttons, ill-fitting, all-encompassing and impossible to shake off.  ...the kind of sweater you want to fill with rocks and march down to the river with Virginia-Wolf-like determination

I was driving along and a song on the radio touched exactly what I was feeling with razor-sharp precision.

I realized that being captivated by this song was not enough for me.  I had the desire to share it on social media, to have my love of this song validated.  I waited patiently for someone to like it, to give their stamp of approval for my opinion, to give me a much-needed shot of serotonin.

Social media tragedy struck like a punch in the gut when the only "like" I received was from my husband, the man who thinks I look sexy when I'm at my worst and affirms me constantly.  Well, that just wouldn't do, that opinion is always an instant win.  My hunger for validation could obviously not be fed by such an easy win.  Feeling the churning in my stomach, aching for validation, I stepped back from the digital noise and in the silence, I saw myself from outside my body.  Why couldn't I just enjoy this song?  Why did I need someone else to validate my opinion with a like, a love, a comment?  

Is this constant need for a shot of dopamine healthy or is it a universal sickness?  Am I more connected by having more Facebook friends or Instagram followers?  If I eat a bagel in the forest and don't take a selfie, did it really happen? These are the questions that swirl around me as a swim through the digital noise looking for a formerly held so easily worn equilibrium. 

Are we all sedated and disconnected and being led like lambs to the slaughter as the proverbial foxes hold the keys to the henhouse, taking pictures of our food and sharing memes while the world burns around us? These are the questions that haunt me.  ...Perhaps the source of my depression.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Today as I listen to the excellent and sonically pleasing new record from Bj√∂rk, I find my heart open and raw, fresh from a third uncomfortable conversation with my mother. The last conversation ending with her walking away from the phone wailing in absolute pain. It breaks my heart, the situation, two people who love each other unable to get past their defenses, unable to speak the same language, neither intending pain.  Each attempt it seems to speak drives us farther apart.

I admire my mother, her strength, her kindness, her gentle heart. I only wish she could hear me, truly hear me. I only wish she could see me, truly see me. After almost a month of not speaking I find myself back at a place where I feel we cannot speak. It saddens me to my core. I wish her peace in her heart as I wish the same for my self. Can we look eye to eye without defenses and speak? I don't know the answer. It has never been possible and perhaps a desire for something real beyond empty conversations about the weather are all there is for us to share. Is that enough? Is it enough to just know someone loves you but does not respect your life, your love, who you really are? Is it enough to be loved partially by a parent who should love you fully?

I think of my friends who have lost parents. Do I take what I have for granted by trying to make its broken parts work? Should I just be happy for what I have, however dysfunctional it is? Do I just accept that it will never be something that equals what I want the relationship to be? These are the questions that turn inside of me. I am human and I feel pain. She is human and she feels pain. We love each other and yet we hurt each other.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Things have come and gone in 2014. The people who matter have remained. Here's to 2015, a special year because we are here and alive and living it. It's really incredible and implausible. Let's cherish the gems, discard the garbage and trudge forward into this glorious year, because we really deserve every bit of goodness it has to offer. Bite into that lotus.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Moneyless Music - NPR

Our "friends" over at NPR have made 10 songs available for free download. Head on over and get you some free music. It's worth it just for tUnE-yArDs' Water Fountain Heavy Rotation: 10 Songs Public Radio Can't Stop Playing

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Sunrise at the Speakeasy - Track List

1. Flapjacks
2. Mama Don't Like No Chocolate
3. Throw That Box
4. Glitters and Sparkles
5. Unplug
6. Mr. Carpentier
7. Life Was Simple
8. Chickens and Eggs
9. Duct Tape and Super Glue
10. Ashes and Dust

Well this week I send off final notes for some minor changes to the mastered 2nd album.
Next up is photos and artwork.  Soon I will have an actual release date to share with you.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Moneyless Music - NIN

Ever since my days as an angsty teen, I have found the music of Nine Inch Nails to be a cathartic outlet for living vicariously through the screams of another. Trent Reznor just dripped sex from a broken emotional landscape devoid of any hope for repose. His emotional wasteland mirrored my own and made me feel just a little less alone.  Much time as passed and many wounds have healed but I still find the music of Mister Reznor to be a comforting little window out of which I can stick my head and scream.

The new album is called 'Hesitation marks' and it is streaming now for free on iTunes (US) , Deezer (Canada) and The Guardian (everywhere else).

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Moneyless Music + Diversions

Double Feature

The Joanna Newsom edition

I adore Joanna Newsom. Seriously I do. The coordination required to flawlessly play the harp is its own award-worthy talent. Couple that with the ability to simultaneously sound like some sort of old appellation woman shouting jibberish on her front porch while pa whittles squirrel shaped wooden figurines and I'm sold. Sign me up.

I recently stumbled upon a live performance of Have one on me from the Austin City Limits series.  The title track from Joanna's ambitious triple album is by far my favorite offering on that 2010 release.  We own this on vinyl and just a side-note the packaging is stunning featuring these timeless stylized black and white photos of Joanna.

Here is the Austin City Limits performance.

As the title suggests, there is some free music if you feel so inclined to reward yourself with free music.  I stumbled upon a cover of Joanna's The Book of Right-On, done by Joel Cathey which is available for free download on his BandCamp Page.  Have one on me or rather on him.  You're welcome. ;)

If you haven't heard the original, here she is for reference.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

July 21st 2012

On July 21st at 8pm in NYC I will be performing
The Ocean & The Easel Part 1: The Ocean

This is an original concept album that I have been working
on for a bit now. The songs have never been performed together
in their entirety and this is a one time performance which will
combine visual elements of video, lighting and costume along
with the music and guest performers. I am very excited to
share this with you all.

More details to come soon.



Thursday, March 08, 2012

A Lost Mind

Where does one go to find a lost mind full of lost time and lost words? Do you lift up the sofa cushions and dig through the loose change, wads of paper and bits of random crap? Is there a cardboard box at the police station or the post office tattooed with black sharpie?

This thought or rather this question rattles around in my empty head echoing and reverberating against the sides of my skull.

With most lost things they (who is they?) tell you to retrace your steps. Where did you last see your mind? Where might you have left it, dear? I trace backwards to my husband being taken from me and banned from the country, my wedding, being hit by a car, panic attacks unable to find my breath, my father's accident, deaths, births, the loss of my best friend, the loss of my self-confidence. All of this is painted with the brush of sleepless nights, of worry, of self-doubt and of deep joy and deep loss, deep depression and paralysis.

Somewhere along the line, the circuitry got fried and the mind escaped to save itself, jumped overboard to try its luck with the sharks and Portuguese man o' wars. The search party was too exhausted to look for long and the mind washed up on some distant shore, but alas, we shall find it and stuff it back. It wasn't too much of a loss as no one seemed to really notice it was gone.

I am working on the last two songs in my Eat My Shorts series. The current one is aptly named Crazy. coming soon.

Friday, January 20, 2012

1/19/12 Set List at Bar 4

Last night I had a totally awesome show at Bar 4 in Park Slope Brooklyn.
Thank you to everyone who made the night so very special.

The set list was as follows

1. Louise (unreleased/O&E1)
2. The Bottle (unreleased/O&E1)

3. Sally (unreleased/O&E1)
4. Narcissus Sea (unreleased/O&E1)
5. The Seaman's Wharf * (unreleased/O&E1)

(a capella)
6. Flapjacks (unreleased/SRATS)

7. Lemon Scented (S.O.B.)
8. Follow Me Home (S.O.B.)
9. Sirens of Brooklyn (S.O.B.)
10. Mr. Carpentier (unplug single/SRATS)
11. Fishnet Sailor (S.O.B.)
12. Before You Go (S.O.B.)
13. Banana Leaves (unreleased/O&E1)

*=premiere/first time performed live
S.O.B = from the album Sirens of Brooklyn
SRATS = from the unreleased album Sunrise at the Speakeasy (coming 2012)
O&E1 = from The Ocean & The Easel (part 1)
unplug = unplug single

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Moneyless Music: White Xmas/Xmas Bells

Free Download!

Last year, I recorded two songs in my home studio for the lovely Wanda Wisdom's Christmas Special.

The tracks were written, recorded and mixed over the course of only a couple days.
If i remember correctly, her instructions were to give her something that was somewhere
between Burl Ives and John Waters. I'd like to think I succeeded.
These short ditties are downright filthy, so parental advisory kiddies.

Xmas Bells/White Xmas by robertgermanmusic

2012 - A Musical Odyssey a.k.a. my last year in the USA

...Coming Soon.

A Rant from the Past

Occasionally I stumble upon an article that reminds me of something I posted years ago. So, today I present two articles.

The Cellphone is the New Cigarette - The Rant 2006


Technology is the New Smoking - TechCrunch 2011

Friday, December 02, 2011

sort of but not quite a new year's resolution

So, I don't really do new year's resolutions, but this year I am going to try to commit to a few things. This may be a bit ambitious, so don't flog me if I fail on some account.

1. Release of Sunrise at the Speakeasy in 2012 (finally)

2. Finish studio recordings of the following unreleased songs:

The Ocean & The Easel Part 1 :The Ocean

-Wash Away
-Banana Leaves
-The Seaman's Wharf
-Fishes & Birds
-Chicken of the Sea (taste like chicken)
-Mister Octopus (yes, that is the title)
-Portuguese Man of War
-The Bottle
-The Siren
-The Ocean & The Easel

The Ocean & The Easel Part 2: The Easel
-Western Front
-Cherry Falls
-600 Miles
-Pretty Decent Guy
-After the Apocalypse
-God in The Telephone Book
-Single File
-Down So Low
-Big from Down Here/Sirens of Brooklyn (ballad version)
-The Famine & The Flood
-Act Like a Girl

3. Move to Canada.

There you have it.

Lotsa Love


Friday, September 16, 2011

Things I didn't say
It's probably for the best
The gimpy edition

I was weighed down carrying two bags this morning and was diverted into a small pathway due to a construction area. I passed a woman and she turned around and started screaming at me.

"What's the matter with you? You can't walk in a straight line?"

5 years ago I had an accident and consequently I walk with a slight limp. It's not something I often talk about. It doesn't so much make me feel deformed or less able, however it is more promounced with I carry bags or heavy awkward things.
In this situation I chose to keep walking as though I didn't hear the woman.

A tiny voice in my head however screemed "I was in an accident and walk with a fucking limp. What's your excuse for being a nasty cunt?"

please pardon the foul language of the little voice in my head most especially its use of the "c" word. I mean no disrespect to women by its usage here. I know how distasteful it is and thus, it's probably for the best that the little voice remained in my head, though now it's had its say on my blog as well.


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

NPR: First Listen
Tori Amos - Night of Hunters

I haven't had a chance to listen to this yet, but I thought I'd post now and give opinions later. The new Tori Amos album Night of Hunters is now streaming on NPRs website. Go forth and listen!

Monday, September 05, 2011

NPR - First Listen: St. Vincent

NPR has really been doing a great job of making me happy by streaming the albums
of some of my favorite musicians before the release dates. Being a child who couldn't
resist shaking the presents before Christmas Day, this is something with makes me exceedingly happy.

You can have a listen to St. Vincent's Strange Mercy in its entirety over on NPR's

Enjoy! The album is scheduled for a September 13th release date.

Friday, September 02, 2011

Fallout Friday - The Nuclear Edition

There are certain questions which keep finding their way into my thought patterns.
This is one that has circled around for a while.

Why is the U.S.A. seemingly in charge of policing nuclear weapons worldwide when it is the only country which has actually used nuclear weapons against other human beings?

As you ponder this question, I leave you with a very literal video for Ani DiFranco's "The Atom" made by a fan and posted to Youtube. Happy Friday! Enjoy.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Diversions - Hygiene with Amy Sedaris

Amy Sedaris has always been my hero.
Whenever I'm a little down
I know that she's there
to help put things into perspective.
She also teaches me things...
important things like hygiene.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A pair of (eat my) shorts
on September's Out Radio

J.D. Doyle is the foremost historian of queer music.
His knowledge is unrivaled. Not only is he a staunch supporter
of Out artists and their works, but he is also just a really nice guy.

I had the pleasure of meeting J.D. back in 2006 when I had the honor of recording an intro to accompany my song Marlboro man for his program.

This month, you can hear two songs in my eat my shorts series being played on the september edition of Out Radio. There are many talented musicians, too many to name with whom I share this honor.

Head over to JD's site and check out the playlist where you can also
listen to the program.

And now a word from our sponsor

Without shameless begging, independent musicians would surely starve.