DIGITAL NOISE

I recently found myself in a bit of an emotional slump, the kind of depressions that covers you like a chunky sweater with no buttons, ill-fitting, all-encompassing and impossible to shake off.  ...the kind of sweater you want to fill with rocks and march down to the river with Virginia-Wolf-like determination

I was driving along and a song on the radio touched exactly what I was feeling with razor-sharp precision.

I realized that being captivated by this song was not enough for me.  I had the desire to share it on social media, to have my love of this song validated.  I waited patiently for someone to like it, to give their stamp of approval for my opinion, to give me a much-needed shot of serotonin.

Social media tragedy struck like a punch in the gut when the only "like" I received was from my husband, the man who thinks I look sexy when I'm at my worst and affirms me constantly.  Well, that just wouldn't do, that opinion is always an instant win.  My hunger for validation could obviously not be fed by such an easy win.  Feeling the churning in my stomach, aching for validation, I stepped back from the digital noise and in the silence, I saw myself from outside my body.  Why couldn't I just enjoy this song?  Why did I need someone else to validate my opinion with a like, a love, a comment?  

Is this constant need for a shot of dopamine healthy or is it a universal sickness?  Am I more connected by having more Facebook friends or Instagram followers?  If I eat a bagel in the forest and don't take a selfie, did it really happen? These are the questions that swirl around me as a swim through the digital noise looking for a formerly held so easily worn equilibrium. 

Are we all sedated and disconnected and being led like lambs to the slaughter as the proverbial foxes hold the keys to the henhouse, taking pictures of our food and sharing memes while the world burns around us? These are the questions that haunt me.  ...Perhaps the source of my depression.