In Heat

There's something I'd like to share with you.
It seems almost obscene to share this with you.
Ok. Here goes. Are you ready?
Oh, I'm not sure if I can tell you.
Ok. I'm going to just say it.

I have a black pussy.

Those are words I never expected to come out of my mouth.

No, seriously. I have a black pussy.
I've even named my pussy, I'm so fond of her.

Her name is Sheba and she is a sleek black cat with angular features.
She's the kind of cat that inspired Egyptians to carve statues.
So, I have a black cat constantly crossing my path, sitting on my lap and purring. I'm fine with this. I'm ready to break mirrors and dance under ladders inside with my open umbrella. I laugh at superstition. ha ha ha.

One evening while K and I were in the kitchen we heard a cat meowing. This was the beginning of the end for us. I previously posted how she broke into our aparment and refused to leave. We didn't so much pick her as she picked us.

All was fine in our little world with the addition of our new friend. After a while we noticed that her nipples were kind of big and pink, a feature found in cats that are around 3 weeks pregnant.

We found ourselves in a moral dilema. Do we take our lady friend to the unplanned pregnancy clinic or let her carry the litter to term? I could not handle a cat abortion. The thought of it made me ill. There are two schools of thought. We face a cat overpopulation problem with thousands of strays mating unchecked. There are cats in shelters waiting for homes and when a person brings kittens into the world, they are more desirable than adult cats, so people tend to take the kitten over Grizabella, the skanky old tabby sitting in solitary confinement at the cat clinic, waiting for the guillatine to drop.

K ended up at the local petco speaking with a crazy Brittish woman who is a volunteer for the Kitty Kind cat rescue and adoption organization. She ended up running him out of the store screaming that he was a murderer as she was convinced our cat had already given birth to kittens that were in the alley and we had taken her away from them. We are almost absolutely sure that this is not the case. For the first few days she had the ability to leave the apartment freely but stayed inside. She was also not lactating.

So, we've been anticipating the birth of kittens and even started to find homes for the unborn offspring of our super sexy kitty.

And then...

A few days ago, Sheba began to act strange, constantly meowing, the meowing getting louder and sounding more satanic. After checking her food and water and litter box, we could not figure out what she wanted. Then she began raising her ass up in the air with this longing look of painful desire. She discovered that the fridge had a vibration to it and began doing things I dare not repeat.

The other morning we woke to find that she was gone. Just as she had broken into the apartment, she broke out. I called out into the alley and heard her meowing back. She climbed over a fence and climbed back up to the window and came inside.

I dare to think of the brutality she must have faced out there in her state of unbridled arrousal. We were cooking the next day with the kitchen window open and discovered how she had escaped by shimmying her way between the window and the screen, climbing up the screen and pushing her body against the glass to pop open the top and climb free. We thwarted her attempts at running away for another night of premiscuous alley sex. Not while she's under my roof, I thought to myself.

Deprived of the alley, she entered a desperate needy state, rubbing up against anything she could, howling like the damned. A lesbian friend had suggested something involving a cuetip, but I won't go into that. I will not go there. I refuse to be part of that dirty little solution.

So, we made an appointment to "fix" her little problem. However, it isn't happening for 4 weeks. I'm crossing my fingers and praying that she didn't get knocked up the other night. As previously stated, I refuse to subject my pussy to a 2nd trimester abortion.

Who knew that having a pussy would bring such moral dilemas?

The Bundle of Joy

Yes, I am cheesey. Here is a picture of the most precious little thing in the world, my nephew. He's even got blonde hair and blue eyes. Since I'm not yet responsible enough to adopt my own little chinese baby, I must live vicariously through my sister.

Uncle Robert

It is official.
Jackson has entered the world.
I am an uncle.

I have been so stressed for the last couple of days for a few reasons.
One is that my sister was taking these hypnobirthing classes and hell bent and determined to give birth to a baby without drugs. I think they call this natural childbirth. I call this passing up the chance for some perfectly good pills. I kid. She called me upset and asked me to pray for the baby as his butt was where his head should be, a state of being with which I am all too well aquainted.

So today, I get the call that now the baby's feet are where his head should be and that the doctor has decided to do a c-section before things get out of hand. The baby was born. My sister is numb. All is well.

I went to get my hair cut at 5:30 with Tommy. Tommy is this oldschool punk/glam rocker who lived in the East Village when it was still scary to walk down the street at night and when people shot up heroin on the steps of the buildings where they were squating. I am devastated. Tommy told me that this would be the last time he cut my hair as he is moving to Portland. What will I do? He recommended me to someone named Raphael. That's too exotic for me. That sounds like a love affair that ends badly. I may just shave my head.

K has moved in with me. It's offically unofficial today. His apartment fell through, so I told him he could crash with me until he finds another place. I worry that he thinks he's an imposition. Does he not realize that I love him with all of my heart. He could never impose. He is my little bacon bit, afterall.

On Labor Day, I go back into the studio for a 6 hour session. I hope to have something with which to tickle your ears when I walk out.

The pull of the moon

Photo by Carrie Thomas

My sister is 9 months pregnant, due this Friday.
My mother is convinced that the gravitational powers of the full moon today are going to pull that baby right of my sister like the invisible hand of Jesus.

We are mostly water.
I think it has more of an impact than we realise.
I know that I am very much a child of water, drawn to the ocean, wanting to return.

We have tides, high and low within us.
We float in water before we enter the world.
The ocean in my sister's belly is swelling, moving towards the gravitational pull, ready to burst. The waves will be crashing. The child will emerge from the ocean, to first crawl and then walk on land.

The crazy people come out when the moon is full...not saying that the baby is crazy. I'm just saying.

8 1/2 months after the fun

Very soon, my nephew will enter the world. I'm training him to be my very own miniature village person, having purchased an NYPD onesie for the little bundle of joy. I still need to find a baby construction worker outfit, a baby Native American costume and of course a baby cowboy get-up.

With the help of the Greek

With the help of the Greek,
I salvaged a solid wood side table from the
garbage heaps of the gentrified holy lands of Park Slope.

We made a pilgrimage to the hardware store asking for guidance. The table's only problem was a bit of sharpie on the tabletop and two loose legs. I tightened the legs and we sanded off the sharpie exposing the beautiful light wood.

We sanded the legs and the underside. The Greek handled sanding the legs. I focused on sanding the top. We stained the table a beautiful dark Walnut. The richness of the grain astounds me. One person's garbage is now a beautiful table with a grain like the sand by the ocean. I can almost see the ripples, the tide, the motion in it. It is so awe inspiring. I am amazed.

Reduce, Re-use, Recyle....oh I've become a collector of plastic. I cant bare to throw it away. I re-use it until I can't anymore. I've begun to contemplate making my own furniture from salvaged pieces. I'm thinking of making my old cutting board into a centerpiece. I looked at antiques in the street over the weekend. I went into two antique stores and I bought a baby gift, well two...oh they are so very cute.

I'm going to be an uncle very soon. It's so crazy.

"Did I show you this picture of my sweetheart, taken of us before the war, of the Greek and his Italian girl one Sunday at the shore? We tied our ribbons to the fire escape. They were taken by the birds, who flew home to the country as the bombs rained on the world. 5am, here i am, walking the block to table talk. You could cry or die or just make pies all day. I'm making pies"

-(The amazing) Patty Griffin

Listen to Making Pies

Uncle Robert

I was standing in line at the post office last night with my big bubble headphones on
listening to Sinead O'connor's, Universal Mother, One of my favorite albums of all time by the way.

The following lyrics were going into my ears.

"I love my boy...I love my baby...my pride and joy...etc"

My pocket started to vibrate signaling an incoming call on the batphone.
It was my sister in Kansas. While I was home over Christmas she kept asking my opinion about
baby names even though she was not pregnant. My response to this line of questioning was,
"Call me when you have a horse ,and then we can talk about a cart."

So my sister sounds cheerful as usual as she says "Remember that cart we were talking about, well I've got a horse."

I immediately knew she was telling me that she's pregnant. I jumped up and down squeeling in the street. I had no idea this would be my reaction. I began frantically dialing every person I could think of leaving them overly excited messages that I am going to be an uncle.

I'm going to be an uncle or as my sister says, the cool uncle from New York. She has threatened to buy the baby a onesy that says "If you think I'm cute, you should see my uncle"

I'm sure this is going to be the cutest baby ever.
and I am going to be uncle Robert.

WOW!!!