Habits and Addictions

Most of us stumble through life on crutches of various types. For some it is booze and cigarettes. For others it porn and pixie sticks.

I would say that I have an addictive personality, but I think that to be human is to be drawn to addiction.

I lived with a girl who ate a very strict diet, obsessive. She would steam greens to go with her long grain rice and miso soup. She would criticize me with her nose held high as I fired up the skillet for fried pork chops and butter drenched mashed potatoes. Secretly she had a stash of twinkies and ding dongs in her room. She would binge on sugar and chocolate full of preservatives and then sob alone in her room, consumed by her secret sin. I would find the wrappers, little clear pieces of evidence exposing her daily crimes.

When I was 24 years old, the floor fell out from under me. I wanted to die. After 4 1/2 years, my relationship was over. I had lost my job. I was broke and felt so desperately alone. I found that drowning my sorrows in booze was the only way that I could bare to even breath the air. Every little thing brought me to tears. I screamed. I stayed in bed all day. I played my guitar on the street for loose change to buy food but more often a drink. I needed something, anything to numb the pain. I thought my life was over.

Slowly, with time all wounds heal leaving scar tissue that is tougher than the soft untouched baby skin that was there before the trauma. I am covered in scars. It is a blessing to have been cut deep. As I have healed, my drinking as gotten more and more manageable but has still been a crutch, a way to numb. I think that there is a comfort in habit. There is something soothing about a cigarette and a beer to calm the nerves. It is nice however to take a moment and experience clarity.

I think that I will always be a drinker. I don't know if I would have been able to make it through some of the trauma without a bit of numbing. I know that if I hadn't been able to express myself with song, I would be dead. I'm addicted to music. It is my #1 addiction. Everything else is habit.

I had quit smoking 3 years ago after a pack a day habit that somehow crept its way back into my life recently. Today, it is 9 days since I have had a cigarette and almost 3 weeks since I've had a drink of alcohol. Oddly, It's been calming. I feel very zen and upbeat. It's nice to step away from my habits for a while.

I'm not standing up in front of a group of people in an awful VFW hall basement with flourescent lighting that gives everyone a hue of sickly green. I'm not reciting the serenity prayer or gleaming with pride that I was given some sort of pin, the human equivillant of a dog biscuit for learning a new trick. I have merely sent my liver on a vacation as it has served me well in many a war and deserves some recouperation before being sent into battle again.

I'm thinking of going back to Yoga. Apparently it's what I'm supposed to do now that I have become so centered and filled with clarity, free of habits and addictions.

I forgot about your birthday

Yesterday was November 14th.
I went into the studio last evening to put some fine tuning on three of the tracks from Sunrise at the Speakeasy. Ooh, Glitters and Sparkles is sounding really amazing.
Tonight I go back into the studio and work some more on Ashes and Dust.

Last night as we were finishing up, it suddenly struck me.
I released Sirens of Brooklyn on November 14th 2006. It completely slipped my mind. I guess it's not an anniversary so much as it is a birthday. Yesterday, SOB turned 1 year old. I didn't buy a cake or hire a clown. I focused my energy on bringing another child into the world to keep SOB company. I hope that they get along.

So, happy birthday SOB!
1 day late.

Last Night

Last night I went into the studio and began recording backing vocals on glitters and sparkles. The original demo I did for this song was rather psychedelic. This version for the album has a decidedly 60's folk feel to it with 2 part harmony on the verses.
The album is really coming together in my mind. I can see how all the pieces fit. This is a good sign. I need a light at the end of the tunnel that doesn't belong to a train.

Glitters and Sparkles-Lyrics

Your glass
it glitters and sparkles
You make love to the booze inside
cuz you just can't find love.

Your heart
is constantly searching
but you'll never find it sitting at the bar alone

Sometimes it breaks your heart
just to breathe the air
when they see you falling apart
they love to stop and stare

and you can pick up the pieces
and you can sweep up the floor
or you canreach for your glass
and ask him to pour.

The world
is tossing and turning
drowning and burning
and you're just playing with your phone

The screen
it hums and it flickers
with the sounds and the pictures of the twisted threads we've sown.

Sometimes You're lost in the crowd
and you just start to cry
and then you're laughing out loud
and you don't know why

Your wires are twisted
and your circuits are blown
You don't know what to feel

Well,
You're not alone.
You're not alone.
You're not alone

Sonic Experimentation

Though it is not a new concept, I have been playing around with recording guitar by playing it through an amplifier and then recording the output from the amp. I'm really liking this sound on the Glitters and Sparkles Demo. I'm not yet finished with the song, but it is moving along. I'm enjoying playing around with this track in my bedroom. I hope to take it in to the studio in the next couple of weeks, assuming it magically finishes writing itself in my sleep. :)

There are some new sounds to this album.
I am being pulled towards rock on a couple of tracks and to some sort of southern dixieland jazz on others.
There is a sort of gospel undertone on a few tracks.
There are lots of body sounds....hand claps, snaps, slapping my stomach as a drum, grunting. Just for you, I am going to the sweatlodge and really working it all out. haha

Some of the tracks I'm focusing on the most right now..

1. Glitters and Sparkles
2. 600 Miles
3. Duct Tape and Superglue
4. Mamma Don't Like No Chocolate
5. Life Was Simple
6. Pretty Decent Guy

There is also "Cherry Falls" which I think I may not put on the album, though I really do want to release it in some form in the next year.

Glitters and Sparkles

There is a new song called Glitters and Sparkles. It is not quite done, but I have been playing with these little demos in my room, making beats, recording guitar and Singing. I am getting used to George. We have only scratched the surface of our conversation. He has things to say, in ways that I hadn't listened.

There is this song called 600 Miles. I'm not sure where it will go, but it wants to take me somewhere. I can tell you that I met two people out on the road who touched my heart and my soul. One is of course the namesake for my guitar, Mister George Lee. He is a savior in times of great loss. There is also Ricky in Minneapolis who has been so kind and gracious. Thank you for the card.

There is of course always Sanford and Son who got me through the Jitters and brought me into the world of being my own Roadie. Oh, You don't know glamour until You've been your own roadie, people. Mmm, my arms sure looked good, but boy wass my spine another story. When you recognize employees of the greyhound terminal at the Port Authority, You know that your star is blazing bright across the sky, ready to light a thousand chinese peace lanterns.

Boy will they glitter and sparkle.