Lullabye

After the birth of my nephew I wrote a new song on piano.
It's never been played live but was played at a ceremony
in Kansas for my nephew's dedication to the church.








Lullabye
Go to sleep
Go to sleep little one.
Count your sheep.
Count your sheep. The day is done.
Close your eyes and dream
of little ducklings in the water
swiming close behind their mother.
Soon they will fly
Soon they will fly away.

Little one
Litte one you've much to learn.
We had our chance.
We had our chance. Now it's your turn.
All we can do is watch you as you're
catching fireflies in a jam jar
leaving grass stains in her new car.
Soon you will fly.
Soon you will fly away.

The thin line between love and murder

I once again find myself stumbling through the world quite sleep deprived.
The last few nights I've been tossing and turning. I woke up last night very suddenly to see that both alarm clocks, which are next to each other read 4:44 4:44.

This freaked me out. What is the universe trying to tell me? What is the signifigance of the 4's. The two alarm clocks run a minute apart and are only in sync for a few seconds. There is obviously some secret message from the deep, but what is it?

Last night K was snoring like a freight train rattling my skull. I'm not a violent person, but sometimes I hit him while in my half conscious state. I should clariy. it's more of a nudge, a firm nudge. There is a thin line between love and murder. For me, it is in the form of breathe right nasal strips. Sometimes I wonder if K would have been beaten to death in his sleep if it weren't for these little marvels of modern science. I kid.

Though the strips failed me last night and yet my boyfriend's life has been spared. I have reisted my half concious instincts to shove and hit him. I managed to gently roll him over onto his side with the knowledge that this disturbance in sleep was only temporary.

I wonder if putting two strips on his nose instead of one would make them doubly effective. We will have to do further testing to find out.

Reducing Your Carbon Footprint

photo by Carrie Thomas

As a child I was taught the three R's of Environmental conscientiousness.

Today I'm going to focus on the first R: Reduce


Carbonfootprint.com defines the carbon footprint as

"a measure of the impact our activities have on the environment in terms of the amount of greenhouse gases we produce. It is measured in units of carbon dioxide."

You can go to their website to calculate your own footprint. They also list ways that you can reduce the negative impact your habits may have on this planet.

I am lucky to live in a city where I rarely need to take a car and where public transportation and walking, rollerblading or biking are the main forms of transport.
Unfortunately that is not the case with most American cities. Reducing the amount you drive, carpooling and buying hybrid or energy efficient cars with good gas mileage are a few things you can do if you live in a car heavy area. If you don't need to drive, You can walk or ride a bike. It's good for your health and the environment.


We recently switched all the lights in our apartment to compact fluorescent lights. CFLs as they are called use 60-80% less energy than their incandescent counterparts.
They cost a little bit more than regular bulbs but last for up to 6 years of use. You will be doing your part to help reduce energy consumption by simply changing a light bulb. An added benefit is the money you will save on your electric bills.

One habit I inherited from my father is that I turn off lights in rooms where light is not needed. If I am not in the kitchen, the light is off. I turn it on when I need to cook or do dishes and then turn the light off. This simple habit of turning lights off when you leave rooms will reduce your energy consumption and save you money. This can also be applied to electronic devices. Turning off computers, unplugging cellphones and not leaving stereos on when you are not playing music are all little things you can do to reduce your carbon footprint. Unplug everything connected to the wall. Reach out your hands and unplug it all.

Finally, I'd like to mention plastic bags and hearken back to my plastic obsession. I carry a messenger bag and if I can fit my purchases into that bag, then in they go. If you don't need a plastic bag, then don't take one. Get into the habit of taking your own bags with you to the supermarket. Most grocery stores give you a discount for every bag you bring in. I save all my plastic bags and take them with me to the grocery store. It saves money on groceries and makes me feel a little better about doing my part. These may seem like little things, but with 300 million people in this country using one less bag per day, that is a reduction of 109.5 BILLION bags per year.

Happy EarthdayFree Download

Happy Earth Day. I prefer to keep it upbeat even though Anderson Cooper
is right that our planet is in peril.
Click here to download a free demo of plastic bottles. This is my gift to you on Earth Day.
This song was inspired by the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn. I used to cross the canal on my way to the recording studio. The water is so polluted that it reflects purple and green shimmers of light and gives off a sulpher smell. If there are fish in this water, they are not what one might call normal and are definitely not edible. It saddens me to see our planet destroyed at such an alarming rate.

We have worked to fight factory pollution in this country only to allow companies to move those factories to China where the problem of pollution is much like the conditions of Europe during the industrial revolution. I watched a program where farmers in china were putting plants in greenhouses because the air pollution is so horrible that the plants were dying if exposed to the air.

The ice caps are melting. The Ozone Layer is being destroyed.
It's time for each of us to make a difference in our own lives. Small acts of conscienciousness can make a huge difference. I hope to be part of the solution and not part of the problem. It takes effort but we can and should get involved. This week I will be highlighting little things that you can do in your own life to be a good steward of this planet.

SAVE THE DATE

on Saturday, June 14th at 10:30pm
I will be performing my most ambitious New York City show to date
at The Zipper Factory.
336 west 37th street (between 8th and 9th ave.)
Tickets are $15.

The Zipper Factory Theater, located in midtown Manhattan, is a renovated Factory with a unique and intimate feel. The audience seating is comprised of recycled car and theater seats, holding at capacity 240, and that is just the beginning of the unique personality of the space. Past engagements include Margaret Cho's The Sensuous Woman; Bebe Neuwirth in Here Lies Jenny; Alan Cumming in Elle; Lypsinka in The Passion of the Crawford; BETTY in BETTY Rules; and Henry Rollins in Caught in the Zipper. The comedians who have graced The Zipper's stage include Joy Behar, Sarah Silverman in Jesus is Magic, Barry Humphries, Judy Gold, Lewis Black, Murray Hill, and Dean Obeidallah. Past music acts include The Last Town Chorus, Jay Brannan, Antony and the Johnsons, Scott Matthew, Marshall Crenshaw, Old Spring Pike, GrooveLily, Zen For Primates, Ute Lemper, Audra McDonald, Idina Menzel, Sherie Rene Scott, Euan Morton, Tom Wopat and Michael Cerveris, as well as the Scissor Sisters, who filmed their controversial Filthy/Gorgeous music video at The Zipper (directed by John Cameron Mitchell). Upcoming artists include Nellie McKay, Creation Nation, Megan Mullally and Supreme Music Program, The Main Squeeze Orchestra and a workshop-in-residence with Magnetic Fields.

Soooo exciting!!! Please come and bring 50 of your closest friends, hobos, strangers, basically charter a bus for this show. It is not to be missed.

Did you see the debate?

Hey, nice top

I was mindlessly wandering through the local Brooklyn Target looking to buy things I didn't need. We all have to do our part to plug the holes in this rotten boat that is the US economy. Unfortunately everything you buy is made in china, so stimulating the US economy is a bit trickier these days. You have to seek out lesbians by the side of the road with signs that say "will macrame for food" selling organic fruit and hemp bracelets made at their weekly knitting circle.

Just an FYI...If you need a guitar case to toss your $600 IRS check into, I have one. Just let me know the street corner where I should stand on to serenade you. I'll even wear my jeans with holes in them and something that looks slightly hipsterish. Art is cool. Suffering for art is soooo cool.

I've decided I need to buy a sewing machine. Apparently watching too many episodes of project runway makes me think that I might have that special undiscovered talent to turn left over cheetos bags into one-of-a-kind couture creations.
No. I'm serious. I have sewing fever people. I made a skirt out of an old pair of jeans once, using a dinosaur of a singer sewing machine from the 1950's.

Now I find myself reading sewing blogs from crazy old women complaining about bobbins and tension and things that matter most when your body hasn't been touched in a desirous way for years. These are the people who are eaten alive by their 20 cats, lying motionless next to a half opened can of fancy feast. I trust their opinions beyond the shadow of a doubt.

I like the concept of vintage sewing patterns, but I noticed an odd recurring theme. The men's patterns are really gay. I showed one to K and he said it reminded him of a Tom of Finland print. This brings about very chicken or egg questions.

Was it the sewing pattern that made him gay or was it the gay that made the sewing pattern?

Discuss.

I broke a nail

Ahhhh! I broke a nail. Normally this would be a phrase to fall from the lips of a high maintenance prissy girl with a finely buffed French manicure. In my case, I use my fingernails to strum the guitar. My left hand is nubby where I chew the fingernails down to the quick. It's the hand that holds down the strings. My right hand however has long unkempt nails that look like that of a crazy old mountain man. I've resisted getting press on nails for a while, but it might be the time. Grow little fingernail. Grow now. I need you. If you can't grow fast little friend, I'll be forced to have an affair with Lee and her tempting Press-on-nails.

Monday-Diversion

This weekend, whilst flipping through the channels on le tube, K and I came across a completely trippy music video. It made me laugh. It made me smile. It perplexed and confused me.



After watching this video, I got a little curious and decided to check out other videos by Of Montreal on Youtube. The 2nd video I found is by far the best.
Enjoy the deliciously trippy diversion that is Of Montreal.

You can stand under my umbrella

It's April in New York. In fact, it's April everywhere, well unless you live an an alternate dimension, but then again according the the show sliders, time is consistent in parallel dimensions so it would only not be April if the residents of said alternate dimension have developed a different calendar, which is totally plausable.
I digress.

The heavens have opened their floodgates pouring forth the nourishing showers that wash away the smell of urine and give life to spring flowers. An unfortunate consequence of this soppy month, other than rainsoaked uggs that smell like wet dog is the emergence of the super umbrella. Please see image above.

The super umbrella is the most selfish act of hatred perpetrated against the citizens of a city where space is limited and highly valued. These sociopaths have taken it on themselves to carry a personal tent that will knock you into the gutter and stab you in the eye as they open it coming up the subway stairs. You could fit a three ring circus with syncronized dancing baby seals under these damn things. I respect a person's right and need to stay dry during inclimate weather, but seriously, you people who assault innocent pedestrians with your barnum and baily brellas need to get up out of my grill, cuz I do have a dull nail file, and I will cut you. I kid, of course. I don't promote or condone violence toward assholes.

On another note, I'm pleased to announce that after months of searching for the perfect avacado, I have struck gold. Frequent trips to the produce section had proved to be unfruitful with avocados ranging from hard as a rock to soft as a sponge with little inbetween. I had become convinced that there was an army of mexicans who took all the edible avocados out of the stores at 4 am while I was sleeping. I however, am ok with this. Their need for good Avocados far outweighs mine and there are times when you have to suck it up for the greater good. Please note, not all mexicans eat avocados, in fact there may be some of our friends from south of the border who like bratwurst and KasseKuchen. This comment on avocados in no way should be taken as a blanket statement about Mexicans.

I do not condone or promote violence over avocados. I did however once fight a woman for a free ham at the local pathmark. She was black, I mean african american, actually she could have been jamaican, but I would have fought her for the ham if she were chinese or white. Actually, if she were chinese and old, I might have let her take the ham. I have a softspot in my heart for older asian women after reading Joy Luck Club. This should not be taken as a blanket statement about old asian women. Some are sweet as pie and some will claw your eyes out over a ham. Sometimes you have to make a judgement call, weighing your need for the prize ham against the need to keep your eyes. I won the hamfight, btw, and I've never had a ham that tasted so good.

***Disclaimer: The above post is in no way intented to disparage, degrade or otherwise stereotype any mentioned racial groups. I strongly believe in equality and respect for all people regardless of age, sex, race, sexual orientation, religion, lack of religion, and despite questionable fashion choices. I think laughter is the best medicine but should not come at the cost of hurting others. If you have found this article in any way, offensive, please let me know. I will enlist my half greek boyfriend in our predominantly carribean neighborhood to alter this posting in a way that will remove any offensive material***

Uggh, when fashion kills

As warmer winds blow our way signaling the start of spring, the ladies begin to shed their layers. The emergence of mini skirts and shorts to show off those soft well shaven lady legs is all fine and good until someone gets hurt.

Despite the lack of rationale, it has become socially acceptable for women to wear Uggs (pictured above) without long pants amidst an obvious lack of snow. I blame Jessica Simpson for this tragic fashion misstep.

Not only is this combination a confusing footwear no no, but it is also a deadly time bomb, ticking away at the tender piggies of innocent young women, ready to cut their lives tragically short.

I direct you to the story of one such victim. If you care about your lady friends, you will save them from the clutches of sure death by showing them this article.

Remember, only you can prevent a fashion tragedy.

Full Throttle

I feel energized and pumped full of inspiration and innovation.
After performing on Saturday at the Lori Beechman theater, I just felt some kind of jolt to my system.
On Sunday, I picked up my guitar and played for hours...working on old songs, new songs, changing up the way I
Play some of them. I attacked the strings with controlled agression...well, is it still controlled agression if your fingers bleed?
I probably should have taped my cuticles before finger picking and strumming so vigorously.

All I can say is this. There are some amazing things happening in rehearsal. I feel a rennaisance as if I am playing songs for the first time...songs that had become somewhat routine. Be prepared, because I have entered musical bootcamp.
I will settle for nothing less than knocking your socks off.

My 2 new mottos, which I plan on taping to the wall above my desk

"Never settle for Good" "Exceed all expectations"

Over and out.

A trip to the Swanson-Lowry Bed and Breakfast

We drove up to Simon and Jason's country home on Friday for Easter. It is this beautiful 200 year old house nestled between a pond and a dairy farm in upstate New York. There is a fireplace, no cellphone service and a real sense of peace and quiet about the place. It's the perfect spot to drink wine, eat num nums and sleep much too late.

On Saturday we went to the market to buy groceries, wine and pick up a salmon which Jason was preparing to poach via the kindly influences of Martha Stewart using his newly purchased fish poacher. We made a visit to the pond to look at the fish, who gather near the edge hoping for crumbs as tadpoles wiggled around in the water. We watched a woodpecker brutalzing a tree.

We returned to the house and boiled eggs for coloring. The kit came with one of those wax pens and in an adorable display of affection, Simon, Jason, K and I all wrote sweet little love notes on eggs. "I love K" "Jason and Simon 4ever" "Robert is hot" "I love Jason"...if you need a little bag to vom in, let me know. When the eggs emerged from their little plastic dye buckets our secret love notes were revealed along with an egg on which I wrote "jesus is risen" with a little cross.

In the evening we were joined by Lauren, Linda and Kyle and had a Roast with green beans, Yorkshire pudding and my famous wasabi twice baked potatoes.

After a lovely dinner, we sat by the fire until the consumption of wine and brandy turned the kitchen into a disco party. There are photos. If not too embarrassing, perhaps I will share.

On Sunday I made bloody marys and observed and occasionally helped with the preparations for an exceedingly delectable brunch centered around a highly pampered fish cooked with much love and care. I did not want to leave for the city, wishing we had one more day in the country,but alas, all good things must come to an end. With food in our bellies and the warmth of holiday cheer in our corroded hearts, we piled into a car and returned to the urban jungle.

Thank you to Simon and Jason for inviting us into your home and providing the utmost hospitality.

The Rant gives the Swanson-Lowry Bed and Breakfast 5 out of 5 stars.

Holiday Tips and treats

Easter is upon us and whether you're a pagan or a christian there are plenty of fun ways to celebrate the holiday.
Here are three days and three ways to celebrate in style.

Day 1- Good Friday
Jesus Shaped Sugar Cookies with grape juice cocktail

As a part of your good friday religious service, these sugar cookies are a great alternative to traditional communion.
I recommend a basic sugar cookie recipe like this. I make my own cookie cutters which is a little bit of work, but worth the effort if you want that extra special touch.


Day 2- Microwave Peeps
The Sunday of Easter weekend is a time to be joyous and celebrate the resurrection. Saturday however, can be a bit of a downer. That lull between the crucifixition and the resurrection doesn't have to leave you down in the dumps. A microwave and a basket full of peeps are a surefire way to lift your spirits.

Day 3- The Obligatory Easter Egg Hunt



No Easter weekend would be complete without an Easter Egg hunt, but if you're a busy "working girl" like me, then you're gonna be tired by the time Sunday rolls around....what with all the cookie baking and peep-o-waving. Instead of going to all the toil and trouble of dying eggs for a traditional Easter Egg hunt, I recommend a much easier option.
Buy yourself the largest plastic eggs that you can. (the kind you put candy in) Head to the liquor store and get yourself some airplane sized bottles of booze. Stuff the booze in the eggs and hide them around the house. The hunt is on.

Have the best Easter celebration, and remember, Don't drink and Drive and only you can prevent a forest fire.

Myspace- a place for whores

There is no amount of coffee that could prepare me for this image burned into my retinas early in the morning courtesy of our "friends" over at myspace.
I have no problem with bimbos, whores or any of their slutty cousins named Cindy, Tammy, Melissa, etc. trolling the internet for that special friend.

...but come on! These girls need a few lessons in targeted marketing.
It's hard out there for a girl looking for love in all the wrong places and a full time job plastering pictures of your vajayjay in the inboxes of a thousand some odd myspace users. Why waste that honey pot on someone like me who really can't appreciate its splendorous caverns of delight? I'm not buying what you're selling sister, so please close the curtains and take that show to another town, cuz there will be no tent pitching three ring circus up in here.

Where are the male bimbos? The "mimbos"? Are they busy sending suggestive crotch shots to horrified lesbians?

Rambling

Friday was exciting with the news that my music video had climbed to #1 on Logo. How awesome it felt to be in the top spot on a national countdown. I reveled. Yes, I reveled as I should.

Lately for some reason I have become sort of obsessed with the song, Cherry Falls, a track that has not been officially recorded unless you count the lo-fi demos I've been concocting in my apartment. There is something about this song. I know that it will turn some people off by its graphic nature, but it is very real to me. It is something that I think needs to be heard whether it makes people squirm or not.

I've been distracted. We moved into a new apartment which seems to put my life on pause. We haven't even hung all the curtains. I can dance in my underwear in the living room, but perhaps I am giving people a show they don't want to see.
K and I have been dating for 10 months. Relationships must add to my body like the rings on a tree, showing its age by how bloated I feel. The comfort of love makes one more prone to lying around eating much too much shephard's pie. Laura has been studying pastry arts at culinary school. She has been creating these amazing things, but every time I see her, she gives me a plate, bowl, basket or tin filled with bleeched white flour demons. I consume them. I ly around. I kiss my sweet and add another ring to the tree.

My nephew was diagnosed with a rare chromosonal disorder and has started growth hormone treatments that the insurance will not cover despite the fact that they are necessary for his development and some semblance of a normal life. My sister called last night to let me know that her husband fell from 12 feet of scafolding, breaking his pelvis, requiring surgery.

I went to Karoke last night, one of my least favorite activities of all time. Graham Norton was there. how odd.

Well, I feel spring pecking at my window like an overly zealous bird. With it, I am feeling this renewed sense of purpose. I don' t want to say that I've been floundering, but rather I've been thinking a lot. I've been allowing the world around me to just kind of flow as it may. Now, I feel very determined to create, to kick the world in the butt....to kick myself in the butt.

I'm searching for a drummer and a cellist. I'm getting ready to dust off my yoga mat. I have a sudden craving to catch up on sleep and eat salmon in the countryside. This weekend is Easter. We are going upstate to Jason and Simon's house. I'm planning on dying eggs and hiding them around the property. I'm planning on drinking and sleeping more than I shoud.

#1 on Logo

YAY! It is with great excitement and a bit of delay that I announce some very wondeful news.

The music video for my song, Open Wide is #1 on Logo's Clicklist thanks to the voting of
fans, friends and random unknown supporters. Well, Whoever you are, Thank You. It is truely mindblowing to be #1 on a national television countdown. I've had #1's on the radio before, but this feels like much more of an accomplishment.

For those of you who haven't seen the video, you can go to Logo's website and view it.
while you're there, you can also vote for it.

:)

R

Beauty Diversion

Political Fear

I have never felt that the US political system was really designed for common people to have a say in elections, but rather was designed to give them the illusion of having a voice. Let's face it. We operate under a system designed by rich white men who wanted to protect their own self interest. Otherwise, we wouldn't have something called the Electoral College. There wouldn't be (it's a bird. It's a plane. It's...) superdelegates.

Is our country great in many ways? No doubt.

Is it better than many countries in terms of freedom and liberty? Of course, though I would say that it has slipped a bit since 2000. The patriot act, the botched Bush Gore Election, the war in Iraq over Weapons of Mass Destruction that never existed in the first place, unconstitutional searches, federally sanctioned warrantless wiretaps, CIA torture in Cuba... I could go on and on until your eyes glaze and you shut off.

I think my eyes glazed over a long time ago. When did things go so terribly wrong??

So a bi-racial "black" man came along preaching hope and talking about gay rights not just in whispered tones at gay events but in black churches. Of course I was more than a little excited by this. He spoke of change, hope, tax breaks for the poor and college tuition credits. He talked about ending the war in Iraq and spending the wasted money on bridges, schools and the creation of jobs. Some people thought it to be naive. I thought it revolutionary. He talked of changing Washington and the death grip held by lobbyists on our democratic process. Most of all, he backed his up by not taking their money and campaigning with funds from small donations given by regular people. I even gave him $20. In the grand scheme, it's not a lot, but it filled me with pride.

Now something strange is happening that transcends my optimistic belief in hope. It is a churning of acid in my stomach that is eating away at the lining and threatening to rise in my chest like fire. It is the forest I see and not the trees. This ongoing battle between Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton is dividing the voters who would put a democrat in office. The democrats need to rally behind one candidate but unfortunately they can't decide who that is. I fear that when they do, it will be too late and to the victor will go the spoils of a sour victory.

The danger in Hillary winning is that supporters of Barrack are part of a movement. It is a ferver, a fever, an ideology. If she crushes that, she disenfranchises a large group of people many of whom normally do not even vote. Somehow Obama struck a chord with them, a chord I don't feel Clinton is capable of capturing.

If Obama wins the nomination, I fear that he will be so damaged by negative campaigning and a prolongued nomination process, that he will have lost much of his momentum and the message of his campaign.

No matter the outcome of this process, my biggest fear is a crack I see forming and growing, splitting right down the middle of the party. A divided party is falling apart at a time when it needs to unite for the greater good. I fear that the division will only grow. I fear that we are lost. What do I know? I'm only a musician.