The Sociopath and my reaction to the creamy wet spot on my pants

Photo taken during the shooting of my first music video for the song Open Wide

From the title You'd think I had something titilating up my sleeve or down my drawers, but really I just have a tale for you of last night's encounter with a couple at the local Duane Reede pharmacy.
I'm sure that while recounting my reaction to the "situation" I will give myself away as being slightly crazy, but then again when have I knocked door to door selling sane?

I decided to take a break from my sleep deprived haggared existence and treat myself to a night of pampering.
This somehow brought me to the soap isle of the pharmacy, staring blankly at the multitude of choices in shower gel. I wanted something that would both exfoliate and moisturize but be gentle on my skin. Let me just tell you that the options were a bit overwhelming and I almost gave up on any thoughts of pampering myself alltogether.

I heard a woman at the other end of the isle say to a man that she needed to get some shower gel.
I was joined by this pair who were also engaged in the daunting task of indecisiveness.
The man was in his mid thirties with an obvious goofy quality to him. He began grabbing bottles of shower gel and saying stupid things which I can't recall. He proceeded to grab a botttle of the creamiest shower substance known to man, which he brilliantly shook back and forth until the cap came off, shooting white gooey wetness all over my leg.

As I mentioned before, the title hints at something much more titilating than reality.

I looked down at my pants and looked at the guy. He and the girl started laughing. I was not amused.

ME: Umm...not to be a dick, but you need to grab a napkin or papertowel or something and clean this up.
(I totally sounded like a dick, yes, I know)

The man grabbed a piece of plastic out of his bag and then smeared the stuff across my pants just making the mess bigger. He then smiled and said he was sorry while laughing and ran away. I was a bit bewildered at what had happened. I tried to focus on the task of buying shower gel, but my concentration had been broken. I tried to get it back when i heard laughing in the next isle.

Girl: Oh my god, this is so funny. I have to call someone and tell them about this.
(more laughing)

I proceeded to walk to the next Isle

ME: Excuse me, but if you're going to squirt shit all over my leg and leave it to soak into my pants and then laugh about it, you might might want to go far enough away that I can't hear you.

They both turned pale and then red, lowering their heads. This is when I could take a moment to question my own sanity or just go completely postal,but instead,I walked back to the shower gel to try and make a decision and get back to the task of self-pampering.

Let me remind you that the girl of the couple came to get shower gel. I started to chuckle ever so silently as I noticed that she was lurking at the end of the isle waiting for me to leave so that she could get shower gel, but of course I was lost in my indecisiveness and hell bent and determined to take my sweet time in choosing. Eventually she was forced to stand next to me and join me in my task. She apologized for her man who was hiding in the next isle.

Of course fate decided to put us right next to each other in the checkout lines. The guy felt so uncomfortable that he left the store. I bought my shower gel, a lufa and Queen Helene's Mint Julep face mask. If you're gonna do crazy, it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice that fresh, squeeky clean feeling that can only come from a relaxing night of pampering.