In Heat

There's something I'd like to share with you.
It seems almost obscene to share this with you.
Ok. Here goes. Are you ready?
Oh, I'm not sure if I can tell you.
Ok. I'm going to just say it.

I have a black pussy.

Those are words I never expected to come out of my mouth.

No, seriously. I have a black pussy.
I've even named my pussy, I'm so fond of her.

Her name is Sheba and she is a sleek black cat with angular features.
She's the kind of cat that inspired Egyptians to carve statues.
So, I have a black cat constantly crossing my path, sitting on my lap and purring. I'm fine with this. I'm ready to break mirrors and dance under ladders inside with my open umbrella. I laugh at superstition. ha ha ha.

One evening while K and I were in the kitchen we heard a cat meowing. This was the beginning of the end for us. I previously posted how she broke into our aparment and refused to leave. We didn't so much pick her as she picked us.

All was fine in our little world with the addition of our new friend. After a while we noticed that her nipples were kind of big and pink, a feature found in cats that are around 3 weeks pregnant.

We found ourselves in a moral dilema. Do we take our lady friend to the unplanned pregnancy clinic or let her carry the litter to term? I could not handle a cat abortion. The thought of it made me ill. There are two schools of thought. We face a cat overpopulation problem with thousands of strays mating unchecked. There are cats in shelters waiting for homes and when a person brings kittens into the world, they are more desirable than adult cats, so people tend to take the kitten over Grizabella, the skanky old tabby sitting in solitary confinement at the cat clinic, waiting for the guillatine to drop.

K ended up at the local petco speaking with a crazy Brittish woman who is a volunteer for the Kitty Kind cat rescue and adoption organization. She ended up running him out of the store screaming that he was a murderer as she was convinced our cat had already given birth to kittens that were in the alley and we had taken her away from them. We are almost absolutely sure that this is not the case. For the first few days she had the ability to leave the apartment freely but stayed inside. She was also not lactating.

So, we've been anticipating the birth of kittens and even started to find homes for the unborn offspring of our super sexy kitty.

And then...

A few days ago, Sheba began to act strange, constantly meowing, the meowing getting louder and sounding more satanic. After checking her food and water and litter box, we could not figure out what she wanted. Then she began raising her ass up in the air with this longing look of painful desire. She discovered that the fridge had a vibration to it and began doing things I dare not repeat.

The other morning we woke to find that she was gone. Just as she had broken into the apartment, she broke out. I called out into the alley and heard her meowing back. She climbed over a fence and climbed back up to the window and came inside.

I dare to think of the brutality she must have faced out there in her state of unbridled arrousal. We were cooking the next day with the kitchen window open and discovered how she had escaped by shimmying her way between the window and the screen, climbing up the screen and pushing her body against the glass to pop open the top and climb free. We thwarted her attempts at running away for another night of premiscuous alley sex. Not while she's under my roof, I thought to myself.

Deprived of the alley, she entered a desperate needy state, rubbing up against anything she could, howling like the damned. A lesbian friend had suggested something involving a cuetip, but I won't go into that. I will not go there. I refuse to be part of that dirty little solution.

So, we made an appointment to "fix" her little problem. However, it isn't happening for 4 weeks. I'm crossing my fingers and praying that she didn't get knocked up the other night. As previously stated, I refuse to subject my pussy to a 2nd trimester abortion.

Who knew that having a pussy would bring such moral dilemas?