For Granted

I am a spoiled person.
I know this. It is something that also
makes me a difficult person at times.

I have this need or desire to
have things surrounding me in just the
right orchestration of space and sound.

Some people might call this selfishness.
perhaps they are right. I do think there
is an arrogance to it, that reeks of men
with their wars and mistakes.

I falter as a person on a daily basis
on so many levels. I feel at times like an utter
failure. Today I think is perhaps the penacle of that for me.

A moment when I wish I were a better person.
A moment when I come to realize that I take
so much in my life that is so precious for granted.
Yes, I think it is selfishness, arrogance, all those things.

The taste of it is rotting in my guts.
It makes my stomach cramp.