Flocks of Paper

snow covered balcony in brooklyn
Flocks of Paper
flipping through the air like birds
little burnt edges falling like broken wings
we closed all the windows and chainsmoked
pretending the smell was from our cigarettes

next day flags waving, so many flags
reminiscent of black and white images of Germany
off to war with a fishy smell in the air

Seven years of war
people disappearing in the night
people with brown skin whisked away for questioning
by men with white skin
never heard from again
torture
murder
lies, lies, lies
death of freedom
death of liberty
death of young men hoping only to pay for a college education
in a failing economy
failing foreign policy
failing war

prices growing
jobs disappearing
cities and flesh have burned
History repeats itself
what have we learned?

Rest in Peace, Ashes and Dust

Early this morning very quietly and I hope peacefully,
my grandmother took her final breath and slipped away from this world.

Leona Messer raised 7 children, one of whom is my mother.
I know that her life was hard at times. I know that she wasn't always
able to deal with the hardship. I understand.

My fondest memories of my grandmother are the car rides to the orthodontist
when I was only 14. I was allowed to drive because Kansas laws are strange, but
I had to have an adult in the car with me, so grandma would come along.
She would let me get fast food from McDonald's before they tightened my braces and the pain was so intense that I couldn't eat solid food for days. At the time, this felt like a naughty treat.
Grandma btw was a terrible driver. My sister once returned from a trip with her
saying that grandma had cut off a man, forcing him to take an exit to Amarillo, TX.
Apparently the man wasn't planning on going to Amarillo.

Over the last couple years my grandmother's health rapidly declined and dementia began
to take away her memories and eventually even her will to eat. She no longer recognized her own family members. The last time I visited her, she did not know who I was. After I left she kept asking where that boy had gone, wandering around looking for me.

In the last few months
her quality of life reached a place that was heartbreaking.
She no longer found anything in life that she enjoyed.

I am glad that she is no longer suffering and I hope that she is at peace in a better place.

The final song on my album is titled ashes and dust. I have never posted the lyrics. K and Laura both have requested this song played at their funerals. Today I post them in honor of my grandmother, a strong woman who lived a full life.

Ashes and Dust

In the beginning there was dust
the sun, the water
then there was us
but all the bridges began to rust
we must all return to dust when we are done

In the beginning there were ashes
there were no wars or social classes
now the buildings burn to ashes
we must all return to ashes when we're done.

In the end I wish you virtue
to hold the hand of the ones that hurt you
to heal the pain that is inside you
to hear your heartbeat and let it guide you
to have a smile for the ones that greet you
to find the time for the ones that need you
to let the love pour out like water from your soul.

Don't hold it in.
Just let it go.