Paralyzed & Brainwashed

I feel paralyzed. I think I have for some time.
I know it's a combination of things, but I can't put my finger on it.

I know I felt weird and detached about finishing Sirens of Brooklyn but now I'm having second thoughts about Sunrise at the Speakeasy. Is it done? Will it be ripped apart and crucified?

A part of me doesn't care. Apathy. I think that's what they call it.

Something happened at the end of the summer. A part of me snapped. After three years of not smoking, I suddenly started puffing away at that familiar cancer stick. They're like Potato chips. You can't have just one. Something was different this time. I didn't feel guilt or failure for smoking. I just accepted it and secretly reveled in some sort of pre-30's rebellion. Yes, I'm approaching the end of my 20's. It's all slowing down and sagging...or it will anyway. Have I hit that point where I've stopped growing and started shrinking?...where the hair on my head starts migrating to undesirable locations just to taunt me? When do I need to start monitoring my fiber intake?

Last night K and I watched public television. It was a show on how by a bizarre set of circumstance, the mummy of Pharaoh Ramses I. ended up in a house of oddities in Niagara Falls. I want to visit Egypt. It struck me as rather disrespectful and morbid though that these mummified remains are on display in glass cases for tourists. How is this any different from going to the cemetery and digging up the grave of let's say Heath Ledger to put on display at Planet Hollywood? ew. Well, I guess after a few thousand years, you cease to be a person and become a relic of curiousity. What is the cutoff? How long does a person have to be burried before they can be put on display?

After Mummy TV, we turned on NPR to hear election results. I'm glad Obama is doing so well. Most of the people I know are all pro-Hillary and want to beat me or tell me I'm brainwashed for supporting Obama. I don't want to start a huge string of political discussions, but I will just say a few points.

-It's time for a change. I don't believe in Dynastic rule and after 2 Bushes and 1 Clinton, it's time to let the other kiddies play with the ball.

-I can't support anyone who voted for the Iraq war, one of the reasons our country is in such a nosedive. We've let schools, bridges, roads and the economy turn to crap so that we can blow up half of iraq, a country that still has not been proven to have any connection whatsoever to the attacks on 9-11.

-Final point... Two of the worst pieces of legislation that set back civil rights for gays were signed by Bill Clinton...Dont ask Don't Tell and DOMA. Bill Clinton heavily courted the gay vote and then did not follow through on his promises. Hillary Clinton is heavily courting the gay vote and I fully believe that she will follow the same path as her husband.

ok...sigh...calming down.

In other news, I quit smoking. It is 10 days since my last cigarette.
I feel out of sorts a bit, but calm. I'm trying to breathe, but it's hard when you're both paralyzed and brainwashed.