Robert Recommends

From time to time I like to recommend Music and movies that move me and groove me.

One of my all-time-favorite films is the glorious, unstopable and untopable cult cinema classic, Coffy, starring the busty breasted bad ass queen of blaxsploitation, the one, the only Pam Grier.

With such memorable lines as

"This is the end of your rotten life, you motherfuckin' dope pusher!"

and the classic...

"Now I'm gonna give you another slice to match the one you got from that dope-pushin' pimp, unless you tell me where he keeps the stuff!"

This is a movie for the entire family.

The Sociopath and my reaction to the creamy wet spot on my pants

Photo taken during the shooting of my first music video for the song Open Wide

From the title You'd think I had something titilating up my sleeve or down my drawers, but really I just have a tale for you of last night's encounter with a couple at the local Duane Reede pharmacy.
I'm sure that while recounting my reaction to the "situation" I will give myself away as being slightly crazy, but then again when have I knocked door to door selling sane?

I decided to take a break from my sleep deprived haggared existence and treat myself to a night of pampering.
This somehow brought me to the soap isle of the pharmacy, staring blankly at the multitude of choices in shower gel. I wanted something that would both exfoliate and moisturize but be gentle on my skin. Let me just tell you that the options were a bit overwhelming and I almost gave up on any thoughts of pampering myself alltogether.

I heard a woman at the other end of the isle say to a man that she needed to get some shower gel.
I was joined by this pair who were also engaged in the daunting task of indecisiveness.
The man was in his mid thirties with an obvious goofy quality to him. He began grabbing bottles of shower gel and saying stupid things which I can't recall. He proceeded to grab a botttle of the creamiest shower substance known to man, which he brilliantly shook back and forth until the cap came off, shooting white gooey wetness all over my leg.

As I mentioned before, the title hints at something much more titilating than reality.

I looked down at my pants and looked at the guy. He and the girl started laughing. I was not amused.

ME: Umm...not to be a dick, but you need to grab a napkin or papertowel or something and clean this up.
(I totally sounded like a dick, yes, I know)

The man grabbed a piece of plastic out of his bag and then smeared the stuff across my pants just making the mess bigger. He then smiled and said he was sorry while laughing and ran away. I was a bit bewildered at what had happened. I tried to focus on the task of buying shower gel, but my concentration had been broken. I tried to get it back when i heard laughing in the next isle.

Girl: Oh my god, this is so funny. I have to call someone and tell them about this.
(more laughing)

I proceeded to walk to the next Isle

ME: Excuse me, but if you're going to squirt shit all over my leg and leave it to soak into my pants and then laugh about it, you might might want to go far enough away that I can't hear you.

They both turned pale and then red, lowering their heads. This is when I could take a moment to question my own sanity or just go completely postal,but instead,I walked back to the shower gel to try and make a decision and get back to the task of self-pampering.

Let me remind you that the girl of the couple came to get shower gel. I started to chuckle ever so silently as I noticed that she was lurking at the end of the isle waiting for me to leave so that she could get shower gel, but of course I was lost in my indecisiveness and hell bent and determined to take my sweet time in choosing. Eventually she was forced to stand next to me and join me in my task. She apologized for her man who was hiding in the next isle.

Of course fate decided to put us right next to each other in the checkout lines. The guy felt so uncomfortable that he left the store. I bought my shower gel, a lufa and Queen Helene's Mint Julep face mask. If you're gonna do crazy, it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice that fresh, squeeky clean feeling that can only come from a relaxing night of pampering.

Some Thank You's

Thank you to Jerry Jodice and
The Great American Music Hour.
Lemon Scented is Featured this week on their podcast.
(The Website)

Thank you to Robert Urban and Gay Guitarists Worldwide for
having me as their featured player for the month of April
(Site and Interview)

Thank You to Billi and Patti for playing my music.
Patti B. Host "All Thangs Queer" on WSLR LPFM Community Radio Sarasota/Bradenton! The show features lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and transexual artists! The show is on every other Saturday from 5-7pm on 96.5FM!
(website)

Thank You to Jeremy Hovies of Sirius Radio for playing my music.
(Sirius Out Q)
(Jeremy Hovies Website)

Thank You to Harry Faddis & Steve Sims and the Quest of Life for featuring my music on last week's show.
(website)

My biggest thanks right now goes out to everyone at Bizarre Farm, Brian Maschka and the D-Lounge and everyone who volunteered their time and resources to help take my music video from concept to reality.

If I left you out, which is very possible, please hit upside the back of the head. My noggin' probably needs a good floggin'.

Fetal

Photo by Steve Brennan

I curl into myself
tucking my head between my legs
feeling the pulse of my heart,
the pumping of blood through my veins.
The muffled sounds of the outside world
filter through the fluid into my cocoon.
I go deeper and deeper inside.
I am sucking my thumb
and losing myself in the warmth of the womb
I don't want to come outside to play.
I need to stay here for a while.
I just need a bit of sleep and then
you can push me out between your thighs
and throw me, wet to the ground.
for now. I just need to sleep.

The Broken Pigeon -Critters (Part 4)-

Photo by the very brilliant
Carrie Jo Thomas

I was walking on 23rd street last evening resisting the desire to indulge my craving for movie theater popcorn when I saw something that made me sick. It was a pigeon on the ground, trying to flap its wings, falling over. It looked sick, in pain and confused. I watched as people passed the poor bird. Some of them laughed, some of them looked disgusted. Some looked helpless.

For a few moments that pigeon became a mirror to the souls of the people passing by. I stood in front of the bird not sure what to do. I was torn between two desires. One was to scoop the bird up in my hands and try to save it. The other was to swiftly and mercifully take the role of Dr Kevorkian. I don't like to play god, but I really can't stand to watch a creature suffer.

Instead of choosing either option, I decided to call the city of new york to see if I could get help. I spoke with a woman who informed me that the city will help animals in distress with the exception of pigeons and seagulls.
For some reason, this really upset me. I paced in front of the bird, unsure of what to do.

I looked at the bird and gently whispered, "I'm sorry."

I walked away.
I put the bird in the back of my mind.
I feel guilty.
I feel as though I have failed on some level.
I can see the look in that poor birds eyes, so innocent, confused and hurting.
I should have done something, but I didn't.

On a scale much grander, this is how many of us including myself deal with the suffering of the world, the unjust and unnecesary war that we are waging. We become paralyzed, guilty and numb. We turn a blind eye and wait for someone to ease the pain of the world. Unfortunately it is our responsibility on an individual level to pick up the broken birds and make the decisions. Not making a decision, walking away, seems like a way of not making a choice, but it is a rather strong choice, as strong as snapping the bird's neck. I made the weakest and most selfish of choices. I walked away. I must learn from this.
The Critters Series Archives
Critters(Part 1)
Chloe & Ferdinand-Critters(Part 2)
The Rat Race-Critters(Part 3)

New York City has an extremely diverse cast of animal characters, all part of the urban jungle. As I interact with these four-legged, feathered, and sometimes one footed friends, I write about these encounters. From cockroach to politician, we are all part of an ecosystem, an interconnected chain. We all need each other to survive.

Losing it for Art

This last week was full of excitement, stress and more coffee than any human stomach should have to endure. On Friday I sort of had a breakdown if that's what you would call it. Maybe it was a panic attack. I'm not sure.

On Saturday I officially lost my mind and was strapped into a straight jacket. I was thrown around by the nurses pictured here, at one point hitting my head hard against a wall. I realized why the cells are padded and just how hard it is to have mobility and sanity in the confines of a straight jacket.

I will never forget nurse Veronica or Nurse Betty or for that matter the hospital administrator with an iron fist. They thought they could keep me locked up, but they were wrong.

Don't take it away

Nathan's in Coney Island

Photo by Carrie Thomas

I was choking down my chilidog and watching the "circus folk" walk by, wondering if this is really the end? Will the cotton candy blow away in the winds of change, leaving behind a strip mall and a rollercoaster, which will eventually be too noisy for high rise luxury condos and later be turned into a coney island museum to show what the place used to be like?

I spent most of my Easter in Coney Island, wondering if the pealing faded paint and broken boardwalk would rise up like Jesus for the day. Everyone would see the freaks dancing in all their glory and children shooting at them with paint guns. Oh wait, am I supposed to be drawing out the parts of Coney Island that you should want to save? There isn't a part of it as strange as it may be that looks like a head for any chopping block in my book.

Coney Island in its glorious faded beauty reminds me that there used to be vaudeville, that men wore large one-piece bathing suits, and that a nickel and a bearded lady could both go a long way if you found the right place to use them.

We spit on the past instead of honoring it. We wheel the old people and the old things away to places where we don't have to see their decay. We stop sanding the wood every year and repainting the sign because the cracks in the wood and the color that has faded from the paint are like our lives. We don't like to be reminded that life is beautiful but fleeting. We'd prefer to put something new in the place of the old.... a new building...a new boyfriend...a new nose from your fifth husband and his fifth avenue surgeon.

It made my heart sink to see that the batting cages are gone and replaced by a construction site. Gone is the go-cart racetrack.
Soon, I will only have pictures and memories. I will be one of those old crotchity men telling anyone who will listen what the good old days were really like. I shoveled snow uphill 10 miles to get a corndog from the amazing snake boy and it cost a nickel and it took me 12 days of hard labor to earn that nickel, and I never complained, not once. Don't forget it.

I urge you to visit Coney Island before it is all gone and do everything in your power to protest its destruction. I chose to shoot part of my music video on the island of coney. I can't think of a better place to wear my straight jacket proudly and give a shout out to a place that is full of so much history and part of my home, my heart, my Brooklyn.

Coney Island, I love you. I wish I could save you. It really hurts me to the point of crying to think of losing you. If that is what it comes to, then I will carry you in my heart for as long as I live.

Thank You Alanis!

I've needed some comic relief.
God bless you Alanis Morissette for providing it.
See the brilliance, now.

Straight Jacket

I ordered my straight jacket, yesterday.
I'm so excited. I can't wait for it to arrive.
I find it sort of funny that two seperate people called me crazy
on the day of my big purchase.
They don't know the half of it.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much to everyone who has been requesting Fishnet Sailor.

A very special thanks goes out to Mr. Carpentier.

"Your heart's like a whale
and you're built like a tank.
You keep me alive, and I'd like to thank you.
cuz there were times I couldn't make it through my day
when I lost my shit and they should have carted me away,
but you're always there, you care and you believe in what I do.
I wanna go through the soccer field to the swingsets, just me and you.

Let's swing high.
Let's swing high
Let's swing high
so high we touch the sky."

-excerpt from the song, Mr. Carpentier (coming soon...)

#3 on Sirius

Fishnet Sailor is # 3 on Sirius OutQ's hot20 countdown.
This is the 3rd single from the album to make it on the chart.
Open Wide and Marlboro Man both went to #1!

Please request Fishnet Sailor by sending an email to
jhovies@siriusradio.com

You can request the song more than once, so don't be shy.

The Cherry Falls

Excerpt

I was 13 years old
in a small kansas town
he said keep your eyes closed
keep your head down

Brooklyn Musician Arrested After Chaining Himself To A Giant Fiberglass Bee in a Desperate Attempt to Save Coney Island

Photo by Carrie Thomas

Brooklyn Singer/Songwriter, Robert German was arrested late last Friday evening after a standoff with local authorities. German, a 28 year old resident of Brooklyn dressed up in a hotdog costume and tied himself to a large fiberglass bee, that was part of a complex of rides being demolished by Thor Development.

This is German's second arrest, having been part of the mass protest last month at the location of the now demolished cyclone rollercoaster and current location of the sunny shore high rise luxury condo development.

German was held for questioning and determined to be an enemy combatant. He will be shipped to Guantanamo Bay Cuba later this week, where he will be tortured outside of the public eye until he confesses to every terrorist act ever commited. He will then face secret military trials and execution as set forth by the patriot act and regulated by our fearless commander, the honorable George W. Bush.

Don't let this happen.

Save Coney Island!

#5 on Sirius!!

Fishnet Sailor is # 5 on Sirius OutQ's hot20 countdown.
This is the 3rd single from the album to make it on the chart.
Open Wide and Marlboro Man both went to #1!

Request Fishnet Sailor by sending an email to
jhovies@siriusradio.com

You can request the song more than once, so don't be shy.

You can hear the song being played on
Last Call with Jeremy Hovies
Sirius Satellite Radio
Channel 106
Tuesday-Saturday 1am-7am EST.

Funneling My Frustration For a Better Tomorrow

Thank you Mister S. for the very sweet email and phone call born out of concern for my well-being after my last blog post.

I got a fairly good night of sleep last night and feel a little less frustrated with the world. From time to time, it does bog me down, and I vent. I start this day with a renewed sense of purpose from a calmer more centered place, a bit closer to temporary emotional stability.
At times, that's the best we can hope for.

I am channeling my frustration and nervous energy into the new album, the new video and into a couple of other little projects that are happy funtime surprises for you all.

Yay!

70% Shot, 30% Done

I only have 2 hands, when I really need 20.
My nerves are about 70% shot. I am only one person trying to do the work of 10 people and not lose my mind. I feel lied to and cheated of my money. What little money I make goes back into my music. It is like a child that never stops crying to be fed. I am a sleepless parent, pacing with bloodshot eyes wondering when this baby will tire itself out and go to sleep. When will I tire myself out and fall asleep? Will I just suddenly collapse, the result of months without sleeping? I am restless. I am stretched thin. I am lonely and loveless. I am overwhelmed by the state of the world, the state of my room and the statements that dripple out of my mouth like inappropriate spittle.

I went into the studio this weekend and worked on two songs, Mr. Carpentier and Flapjacks.
Mr. Carpentier is very very close to being done. At this point, it is nit picking. Flapjacks still has a bit of work, but should be close to completion soon. I would say that the album is about 30% done.

In other news, my first music video will be filming in the next couple of weeks.

This album,this video, this world is bigger than me, and it may just crush me.

Two lovers entangled on my tongue

Something strange happened last night. I was reaching for the plain yogurt when it every so delicately brushed up against the jar of peanut butter. The next thing I knew, I was watching sliders while my tongue was engaged in a threesome. I threw my pants over the dresser, curled under the covers and let the confusing sensation of this unholy union enrapture my every cell. It was so wrong, but so right. You should try it sometime.....

And in case you were wondering, it was chunky, not creamy and I'm not going to apologize.

The United Corporations of America

Photo by Carrie Thomas

There has been a lot of talk lately about who we will elect as our next president.
This always ends up being a lesser of two evils conversation, because let's face it, rarely does anyone in the running overwhelmingly shine as a brilliant mind. Most of all, There isn't anyone stepping up to the plate with the best interests of this country at heart. Everyone has his/her own agenda.

Most people I know are disatisfied with the way this country is being run. For the past 6 years, however you get labeled as an unpatriotic asshole undermining the security of our nation by not going agreeing with the president and his power-hungry/self interest serving actions.

I often feel helpless wanting to know what I can do that might make a difference. How can we cause a shift in this country? How can we regain power? Some of you are under the belief that voting, especially on a local level is the most effective tool for change. Though voting is important, I do not think that it is the most effective tool.

In reality, we live in a country that is run by money. Laws are made over dinners with lobbyists. Very rapidly our country has shifted to rule by corporation. You are constantly spending money if you are a good citizen, running on the capitalist treadmill of earn and spend. Companies have stopped making quality products for the most part across the board. A sweater that falls apart will have to be replaced next year. A computer's harddrive will fail. It is only a matter of when, not if. Companies for the most part don't even stand behind their products. They give you a 90 day warranty. What ever happened to the lifetime warranty? When did we stop caring about quality and start pumping out disposable products to litter the landfills?

So, these corporation making sub-par products in sweatshops overseas, effectively undermining our economy in the long run, want your money. They will give you a song & dance to get your money. They don't have the luxury of taking money directly out of every paycheck like the very successful corporation we call the US Government.

When you give your money to a corporation you are effectively supporting their policies. They will control the making of laws. Their decisions will trickle down to your everyday life. So, support companies whose policies are sound and just. Boycott companies who are not. Of course nothing is that simple, but we as consumers, especially organized are more effective than we are as voters.

We live in a country led by a man who did not win the popular vote and has essentially wiped his ass with the constitution, a document that had great meaning at one time. Father knows best in times like these when we cannot falter in our war against terror. We must fight for and protect freedom, by limiting freedom. It all makes perfect sense, right?

Recommended Reading for today:
Animal Farm
by George Orwell

Sally Struthers, We Need Your Help!

As I wander through this world shoving doughnuts and bacon down my spoiled American throat, I sometimes worry about all the starving children in Africa. In all seriousness, there is no excuse for a huge chunk of the African continent going without food.

It is then that I realize we have a problem of our own, right here in this good nation.
It's Terry Hatcher. We've watched her blossom as an actress first on Lois and clark, then those wonderful Radio Shack commercials with her hubby. She has finally found her place in the spotlight with Desperate housewives and let me just say, that spotlight shines right through her bony frame like a japanese lantern.

I think it's time to call our good friend Sally Struthers and get her a guest spot on Desperate Housewives. Someone needs to feed Terry Hatcher and though I do suspect that some of the food ends up in Sally's Trailer, in the end a good portion still makes it to those children.

If you really care about Terry Hatcher, you will join me in sending her cookies, doughnuts and protein bars. Don't let this bright star burn out long before her time. We need you healthy, Terry. We care about you.