The New and Improved Laptop

As apple unveils the world's thinest laptops,
3 people lug massive old desktop computers into starbucks.
This put a smile on my face.

Check it out on Improveeverywhere's website.

Jesus Christ!

Photo by Carrie Thomas
Today, The Unplug Single became available for purchase on itunes in the Christian and Gospel category.

Yes, you read that right, Christian and Gospel. Now, I've never been one for categorizing music, but this is just funny. At first I thought this was cute and then I came to the realization that I say shit and have a vocal intro where I talk about sticking a rocket up a crash dummy's ass on this new single. Sorry if I gave something away for you folks who have yet to purchase it.

Oh yeah, you can

go to itunes and purchase it.

I'm expecting an angry group of jesus loving bible throwers to show up on my doorstep at any moment.

I suppose it's best if I barricaded the door and ly low for a while.

Wigs for Cats, a passing craze or the wave of the future?

By all means, Discuss.

Photo by Jill Johnson. Model: Chicken

If you really want to pamper your pussy, head on over to Kitty Wigs! website.

Satan Was a Lesbian

This week's selection for the Rant Book Club is a modern classic, very close to my heart.
Before Fred Haley's gripping tale of perversion hit the shelves, it was a long standing belief
that satan was a straight man. If you are like me, you will find this book not only captivating but also quite educational.
I dare you to resist the temptation of Satan Was a Lesbian. Run, don't walk to your local book store and enrich your mind with the splendors of literature.

I prefer the original unabridged edition to the abridged version released earlier this year with a forward written by Mike Huckabee, but either version is sure to be a shining treasure in your home library.

It's Jackie Stallone...Yeah

Though I generally don't like reality TV, these clips of Jackie Stallone from UK's Big Brother are precious.
Have some botox and enjoy

I've got my slip-and-fall-lawsuit shoes on and I'm gonna polish them before I walk to the train. Maybe there will be some magic tonight.

Quest of Life

Big Thanks to Steve Sims and Harry Faddis, hosts of the radio program
Quest of Life out of Troy, New York on WRPI 91.5 FM.

Both Mr. Carpentier and Unplug were on their playlist for today.

You can catch their show on Fridays from 12-2pm EST or online at
WRPI's website.

Lotsa Love

RG

Robert Recommends: Adam Zyglis

I absolutely adore the political cartoons of Adam Zyglis.

Check out his work

www.adamzyglis.com
The Buffalo News Website

Marijuana Girl

Here at the Rant we like to encourage an environment of culture and learning.
One of the best way to broaden your horizons is through the wonders of literature.
We can't read everything, but we do search high and often low for those literary
gems that might otherwise collect dust on the shelves of your local library.

This week's selection is Marijuana Girl, a gripping tale of teenage lust for the whole family. After you've read marijuana girl, join the discussion here on the Rant. We'd love to hear all of your own stories of sex, drugs and teenage debauchery. There's a little bit of marijuana girl in each of us.

If you happen to have trouble getting your hands on Marijuana girl, at your local library, don't hesitate to speak with the librarian on duty. She or he may be able to type the title into a computer database to find another location with Marijuana Girl that participates in the interlibrary loan program. The beauty of the national library system is indeed boundless. It is one of our national treasures.

Remember to always keep your library card up to date. This is your key to a world of unspeakable splendor.

Anonymous Letter

So I have this "friend"
and she or he wanted me to post this note.
I don't have all the answers, so maybe you can help her or him?

Dear Robert,

Last night my boyfriend and I started getting it on while John McCain was giving a victory speech over NPR in the background. We are both very liberal democrats, so after we climaxed, I felt this sudden feeling of shame.
Is it OK to make love to the rhythm of John McCain's old warbly voice?

Please help me.

Sincerely

"Confused in Cleveland"

Paralyzed & Brainwashed

I feel paralyzed. I think I have for some time.
I know it's a combination of things, but I can't put my finger on it.

I know I felt weird and detached about finishing Sirens of Brooklyn but now I'm having second thoughts about Sunrise at the Speakeasy. Is it done? Will it be ripped apart and crucified?

A part of me doesn't care. Apathy. I think that's what they call it.

Something happened at the end of the summer. A part of me snapped. After three years of not smoking, I suddenly started puffing away at that familiar cancer stick. They're like Potato chips. You can't have just one. Something was different this time. I didn't feel guilt or failure for smoking. I just accepted it and secretly reveled in some sort of pre-30's rebellion. Yes, I'm approaching the end of my 20's. It's all slowing down and sagging...or it will anyway. Have I hit that point where I've stopped growing and started shrinking?...where the hair on my head starts migrating to undesirable locations just to taunt me? When do I need to start monitoring my fiber intake?

Last night K and I watched public television. It was a show on how by a bizarre set of circumstance, the mummy of Pharaoh Ramses I. ended up in a house of oddities in Niagara Falls. I want to visit Egypt. It struck me as rather disrespectful and morbid though that these mummified remains are on display in glass cases for tourists. How is this any different from going to the cemetery and digging up the grave of let's say Heath Ledger to put on display at Planet Hollywood? ew. Well, I guess after a few thousand years, you cease to be a person and become a relic of curiousity. What is the cutoff? How long does a person have to be burried before they can be put on display?

After Mummy TV, we turned on NPR to hear election results. I'm glad Obama is doing so well. Most of the people I know are all pro-Hillary and want to beat me or tell me I'm brainwashed for supporting Obama. I don't want to start a huge string of political discussions, but I will just say a few points.

-It's time for a change. I don't believe in Dynastic rule and after 2 Bushes and 1 Clinton, it's time to let the other kiddies play with the ball.

-I can't support anyone who voted for the Iraq war, one of the reasons our country is in such a nosedive. We've let schools, bridges, roads and the economy turn to crap so that we can blow up half of iraq, a country that still has not been proven to have any connection whatsoever to the attacks on 9-11.

-Final point... Two of the worst pieces of legislation that set back civil rights for gays were signed by Bill Clinton...Dont ask Don't Tell and DOMA. Bill Clinton heavily courted the gay vote and then did not follow through on his promises. Hillary Clinton is heavily courting the gay vote and I fully believe that she will follow the same path as her husband.

ok...sigh...calming down.

In other news, I quit smoking. It is 10 days since my last cigarette.
I feel out of sorts a bit, but calm. I'm trying to breathe, but it's hard when you're both paralyzed and brainwashed.

Tonight on the Radio

Tune in at 2am EST to hear me live on the nationally syndicated Joey
Reynold's show on WOR Radio, 710 HD broadcasting from New York City. This is my 2nd appearance on the show.
You can listen online, on 710 AM or 710 HD if you have a receiver.
Listen to the show!

...................................

Also...just a big Thank You to the following for recently featuring my music...

Feast of Fools (podcast)
Jaded City (podcast)
The Candy Show (podcast)
Logo(Television)
The Joey Reynold's Show(radio show)
Kate Kulas/Raindbow Connection(radio show)
Homopod Radio (podcast)

#2 on LOGO!

The music video for my song, Open Wide is #2 on LOGO's Clicklist. Yay!
Help push it to #1 by voting for the video on Logo's site.
voting is unlimited so click click click away.

VOTE NOW! :)

Podcast Alert! Canned Cheezeburger+ Little ol' Me

I have been a big fan of Feast of Fools for some time, so I am thrilled to announce that they feature my music on Today's Podcast along with the glamour that is the canned cheezeburger and Cloverfield which I have yet to see (sorry George).

So, Pop on over the Feast of Fools website and check them out.

His Head on a Platter

I would not generally repost something from Perezhilton.com, but after reading/listening to this, I became angry. John Gibson, over at fox has very homophobically mocked Heath Ledger on his show.

I have just sent an email to fox letting them know that I think he should be fired and that the network should be ashamed of itself for allowing something like this to air.

Check it out here...and feel free to bombard Fox with your angry emails.

Yet another reason to adore Jerry O'connell

As previously mentioned, I developed a crush on Jerry O'connell from watching way too many episodes of sliders. I still love that show.

If you didn't see the Tom Cruise video that he is parodying, Check it out here.

#3 on Logo...Please Keep Voting

(photo taken during filming of unused scene in the open wide video- courtesy of Chic and Sassy)

Thank You Thank You and Thank you again for voting for Open Wide on Logo.
Your votes have brought the video to #3 on the countdown. Please continue to vote and help get the video to the #1 spot. I really want to drink champagne and I can't uncork that bottle without your tender lovin' help.

Vote Now!

In case you didn't know better

Thank You Macintosh for this very informative diagram included in the user's manual for a Power PC G3 mini tower. I had the pleasure of taking one apart today for scrap metal.

Ho Ho Hooters (a Christmas backbLOG)

She swirled her purple pen across the napkin, signing her name with a heart and caressing it as she delicately placed it near the edge of our table.

"Hi, My name is Sasha, and I'll be your Hooters girl for the evening. Can I get you something to drink to start off?"

I never thought I would hear these words coming out of anyone's mouth let alone on Christmas day, let alone at Hooters. Yes, you read that right. Hooters.

I took off for Topeka Kansas with my father to catch a 4:30 showing of Sweeney Todd on Christmas day. We were on a tight schedule and our plans were thwarted after my father was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. The officer only gave him a warning seeing as it was christmas and all.

We got to the theater 15 minutes late and the next show wasn't until 7:25, so we had two hours to kill. We discovered that everything was closed for christmas including McDonald's which shocked me. I thought for sure that they pumped out artery clogging mystery meat 365 days a year.

Split between going to Denny's and Hooters, I chose the option that involved hot wings and booze.

I expected to see women writhing on greesy poles, oiled up like roasting pigs, bits of flesh and torn edges hanging as old men drooled and stuffed dollars into cleavage and crevices like a reverse ATM machine.

The reality was much more pedestrian. Hooters is a "family" restaurant or so it seemed on christmas day. It was no more scandalous than a Brooklyn dive bar. The food was good. The waitress was nice. Yes, she was wearing a santa hat. Yes she had a nice "rack" and a low cut neckline. I highly recommend the wings, so if you stop through Topeka, say hi to Sasha. Let her wet your napkin with her purple pen. Tip her well and tell her that Robert sent ya.

I've fallen but I can get up.

As previously posted, Open wide debuted 2 weeks ago on Logo's Click List at #5.
How thrilling is that?

Well, last Friday in my 2nd week on the countdown, I slipped and fell to #5.
Still not too shabby, eh? Top 5 is very respectable.

Well, I have never let something like a tiny slip hold me back or get me down.
No, I'm the kind of girl who will walk uphill with one high heel and a black eye, a missing tooth and a smile.

But...If you feel so inclined to fix my tooth, give me a new pair of pumps and a comfy seat at the top of the chart, then click your way over to Logo and vote like a mofo. Don't be shy honey. The voting is unlimited, so you can click until your hand cramps up. A little carpel tunnel syndrome won't kill you. It will make you stronger and maybe even give you time off from your job to recover and read that Dostoevsky novel you've always been meaning to tackle. Then you can say clever things and be the envy of all your friends. Yeah, you should definitely

vote for the video

.