Monday, January 26, 2009

Pop Pop Pop

Pop Pop Pop
goes the weasel
Pop Pop Pop
goes the cherry
Pop Pop Pop
goes the little toy gun


Pop Pop Pop
goes the culture
Pop Pop Pop
and the music
Pop Pop Pop
and the devil plays the drums

don't try to fight it.
you can't get away
when your feet feel the beat
and your hips start to sway

Pop Pop Pop
it's where the money's at
Pop Pop Pop
if you can dance or rap
Pop Pop Pop
or double disco clap

Thursday, January 15, 2009

US Airways Plane Crashes into the Hudson River

Today a US Airways plane crash landed in the hudson river after it's engines were disabled by running into a flock of geese. Amazingly, it seems that all the passengers and crew made it out ok. Wow.

Read the Full Story Here

My Father:Update

I thought it strange that my father was released from the hospital so soon after fracturing a vertebrae in his spine and I guess so did the neurosurgeon who said that he should have been lifewatched by helicopter on Friday.

On Tuesday he was readmitted to the hospital and last night at 7pm, he was taken into surgery to repair the damage.

A huge thank you to all of you for your thoughts and prayers. His surgery went well and my father is recovering. This has been a week of emotional ups and downs for me, and I am very thankful that my father is alive and relatively well given the circumstances.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My Father

My father was in a car accident on Friday. After swerving to avoid hitting a deer, he crashed the car off a 15 foot bridge into 5 feet of icy water. He managed to pull himself out of the car, climb a hill and reach the highway at the same time that a friend was driving by. One ear is very badly injured and he fractured a vertebrae in his neck. He goes to see a neurosurgeon on Tuesday. Despite major head trauma, swelling,etc, it is pretty much a miracle that he is alive and was able to go home from the hospital yesterday. I was able to speak with him today on the phone and he was in good spirits despite being in a lot of pain and in a brace from chin to chest which leaves him very immobile.

I ask please that you keep my father and his recovery in your thoughts and prayers.

Thank you so much


Thursday, January 08, 2009

Manhole Explosion!

No, This is not a walk down memory lane to recount my harrowing experience with the stomach flu, nor is this a post worthy of the possible titillation sparked by its title.

Last night I was mixing some tracks for the extraordinarily talented Jeff Cubeta, when my studio monitors started making a low crackling noise. I looked up and the lights in the apartment were flickering oddly. Seeing as how the wiring in our building is so messed up that we're one toaster strudel away from the building bursting into a towering inferno, I began to run around frantically lighting candles in preparation for an electric apocalypse. Ooh, I like the sound of that. Don't be surprised when I release my electro album titled electro apocalypse just in time for you to check the last box on your Mayan calendar.

Suddenly there was a loud boom and more flickering of lights. I decided to flee the apartment, leaving K in his underwear to fend for himself. well, I mean, I offered to take him with me, but he chose to stay behind.

So, this takes me back to a different walk down memory lane, but not the one where I was simultaneously hugging the toilet and the bathroom sink. It was late one wintry night back when I had hope in my eyes and an ass like a 12 year old Chinese gymnast. I had been drinking scotch and fighting off the advances of lecherous old men who wanted to shower me with platinum visas and buy me small islands off the coast of Spain. I was crossing an empty street when an odd clicking sound stopped me in my tracks. I looked down to see that I was standing over a steaming manhole, which sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. Like the young fool that I was, I stood there trying to place the clicking sound. I shrugged, oh well and continued on my journey. I got about halfway down the block when I heard a loud explosion.

I turned around to see the manhole cover flying through the air landing and spinning like a sloppily flipped quarter. A steaming crater of devastation now occupied the space where I had been standing. Fire trucks, police, crowds descended upon the scene and I, a bit shocked, sauntered home, having lived to recount my tale to my roommate at the time.

So, last night, I went outside to discover that people were all coming out of their buildings, having heard the explosion. A similar descent of fire trucks, police and crowds swarmed to the front of Phat Albert's discount warehouse where yet another manhole had exploded. The street light flickered on and then off. People got bored with nothing much to see and the crowds dissipated.

So, the moral of the story, dear readers? As tempting as it may be, stay away from a steaming manhole, because it just might be the last manhole you lay your eyes on.

The Right Foot

not the left foot,
the right foot. That's the one you're supposed to be starting this year on. Do you have your list or are you too cool for a list? I personally don't believe in them.
You probably believe in them, but then again, You're reading the rant, so you're probably absolutely perfect and in no need of change.

I'm going to make a rough resolution, just to get you started. Yes, I know we're already 8 days into the new year, but most people like me are procrastinators and you probably all got drunk on New Year's which means you started your year passed out in a pile of your own sick with ripped stockings and a missing pump next to a naked midget name Raul. Sorry, I know midget isn't politically correct. Please forgive me. Anyway, it's not me. It's you...oh no. wait. That's not right. It's not you. It's me. ok, so if I had problems, ya know, things I need to work on, well, I would sit down to write one of those listy thingies and it would go something like this...

1. Eat more butter and or things with butter
2. Smile More & Generally Be less guarded
3. Get more sleep
4. exercise more
5. drink less
6. listen more
7. talk less
8. save more
9. spend less
10. Become conversational in the French Language

Alright, so over the next week, let's talk about these 10 items, starting today with Item 4. Some of you may think that item 4 is in direct conflict with Item 1, but I strongly disagree. Anyhoo, here's the rant's very own exercise guru, Richard Simmons. Today he's gonna show us all how we can sweat to the oldies. There isn't a better way I could imagine losing that spare tire, than doing choreographed dance routines with Richard Simmons.


A couple nights ago K and I were watching CNN, when a commercial lit up the screen like a heavenly light. It shone to me and along with a sudden craving for cool-aid, I felt an uncontrollable desire to buy the advertised product,a snuggie, but of course only in one color and for everyone I know. Then I thought we could all hang out together in our new snuggies and drink cool-aid and have a good time. Then I thought that you could all call me "annointed one" but I mean really, that is going overboard, isn't it?

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