Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The New and Improved Laptop

As apple unveils the world's thinest laptops,
3 people lug massive old desktop computers into starbucks.
This put a smile on my face.

Check it out on Improveeverywhere's website.

Jesus Christ!

Photo by Carrie Thomas
Today, The Unplug Single became available for purchase on itunes in the Christian and Gospel category.

Yes, you read that right, Christian and Gospel. Now, I've never been one for categorizing music, but this is just funny. At first I thought this was cute and then I came to the realization that I say shit and have a vocal intro where I talk about sticking a rocket up a crash dummy's ass on this new single. Sorry if I gave something away for you folks who have yet to purchase it.

Oh yeah, you can

go to itunes and purchase it.

I'm expecting an angry group of jesus loving bible throwers to show up on my doorstep at any moment.

I suppose it's best if I barricaded the door and ly low for a while.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Wigs for Cats,
a passing craze or the wave of the future?

By all means, Discuss.

Photo by Jill Johnson. Model: Chicken

If you really want to pamper your pussy, head on over to Kitty Wigs! website.

Satan Was a Lesbian

This week's selection for the Rant Book Club is a modern classic, very close to my heart.
Before Fred Haley's gripping tale of perversion hit the shelves, it was a long standing belief
that satan was a straight man. If you are like me, you will find this book not only captivating but also quite educational.
I dare you to resist the temptation of Satan Was a Lesbian. Run, don't walk to your local book store and enrich your mind with the splendors of literature.

I prefer the original unabridged edition to the abridged version released earlier this year with a forward written by Mike Huckabee, but either version is sure to be a shining treasure in your home library.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

It's Jackie Stallone...Yeah

Though I generally don't like reality TV, these clips of Jackie Stallone from UK's Big Brother are precious.
Have some botox and enjoy

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I've got my slip-and-fall-lawsuit shoes on and I'm gonna polish them before I walk to the train. Maybe there will be some magic tonight.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Quest of Life

Big Thanks to Steve Sims and Harry Faddis, hosts of the radio program
Quest of Life out of Troy, New York on WRPI 91.5 FM.

Both Mr. Carpentier and Unplug were on their playlist for today.

You can catch their show on Fridays from 12-2pm EST or online at
WRPI's website.

Lotsa Love


Robert Recommends: Adam Zyglis

I absolutely adore the political cartoons of Adam Zyglis.

Check out his work
The Buffalo News Website

Marijuana Girl

Here at the Rant we like to encourage an environment of culture and learning.
One of the best way to broaden your horizons is through the wonders of literature.
We can't read everything, but we do search high and often low for those literary
gems that might otherwise collect dust on the shelves of your local library.

This week's selection is Marijuana Girl, a gripping tale of teenage lust for the whole family. After you've read marijuana girl, join the discussion here on the Rant. We'd love to hear all of your own stories of sex, drugs and teenage debauchery. There's a little bit of marijuana girl in each of us.

If you happen to have trouble getting your hands on Marijuana girl, at your local library, don't hesitate to speak with the librarian on duty. She or he may be able to type the title into a computer database to find another location with Marijuana Girl that participates in the interlibrary loan program. The beauty of the national library system is indeed boundless. It is one of our national treasures.

Remember to always keep your library card up to date. This is your key to a world of unspeakable splendor.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Anonymous Letter

So I have this "friend"
and she or he wanted me to post this note.
I don't have all the answers, so maybe you can help her or him?

Dear Robert,

Last night my boyfriend and I started getting it on while John McCain was giving a victory speech over NPR in the background. We are both very liberal democrats, so after we climaxed, I felt this sudden feeling of shame.
Is it OK to make love to the rhythm of John McCain's old warbly voice?

Please help me.


"Confused in Cleveland"

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Paralyzed & Brainwashed

I feel paralyzed. I think I have for some time.
I know it's a combination of things, but I can't put my finger on it.

I know I felt weird and detached about finishing Sirens of Brooklyn but now I'm having second thoughts about Sunrise at the Speakeasy. Is it done? Will it be ripped apart and crucified?

A part of me doesn't care. Apathy. I think that's what they call it.

Something happened at the end of the summer. A part of me snapped. After three years of not smoking, I suddenly started puffing away at that familiar cancer stick. They're like Potato chips. You can't have just one. Something was different this time. I didn't feel guilt or failure for smoking. I just accepted it and secretly reveled in some sort of pre-30's rebellion. Yes, I'm approaching the end of my 20's. It's all slowing down and sagging...or it will anyway. Have I hit that point where I've stopped growing and started shrinking?...where the hair on my head starts migrating to undesirable locations just to taunt me? When do I need to start monitoring my fiber intake?

Last night K and I watched public television. It was a show on how by a bizarre set of circumstance, the mummy of Pharaoh Ramses I. ended up in a house of oddities in Niagara Falls. I want to visit Egypt. It struck me as rather disrespectful and morbid though that these mummified remains are on display in glass cases for tourists. How is this any different from going to the cemetery and digging up the grave of let's say Heath Ledger to put on display at Planet Hollywood? ew. Well, I guess after a few thousand years, you cease to be a person and become a relic of curiousity. What is the cutoff? How long does a person have to be burried before they can be put on display?

After Mummy TV, we turned on NPR to hear election results. I'm glad Obama is doing so well. Most of the people I know are all pro-Hillary and want to beat me or tell me I'm brainwashed for supporting Obama. I don't want to start a huge string of political discussions, but I will just say a few points.

-It's time for a change. I don't believe in Dynastic rule and after 2 Bushes and 1 Clinton, it's time to let the other kiddies play with the ball.

-I can't support anyone who voted for the Iraq war, one of the reasons our country is in such a nosedive. We've let schools, bridges, roads and the economy turn to crap so that we can blow up half of iraq, a country that still has not been proven to have any connection whatsoever to the attacks on 9-11.

-Final point... Two of the worst pieces of legislation that set back civil rights for gays were signed by Bill Clinton...Dont ask Don't Tell and DOMA. Bill Clinton heavily courted the gay vote and then did not follow through on his promises. Hillary Clinton is heavily courting the gay vote and I fully believe that she will follow the same path as her husband.

ok...sigh...calming down.

In other news, I quit smoking. It is 10 days since my last cigarette.
I feel out of sorts a bit, but calm. I'm trying to breathe, but it's hard when you're both paralyzed and brainwashed.

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