Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Podcast Loveliness

Lynn Parsons is a highly engaging radio DJ in the UK who can currently be heard on London's Smooth Radio doing the afternoon and weekend show. I was delighted to discover that Lynn featured Open Wide this week on her podcast Planet Parsons-Episode#95.
I highly suggest you give it a listen. There is something about her voice that is quite delicious.
The great thing about Planet Parsons is that it doesn't really require a lot of time. It's a bite-size helping, so to speak, but incredibly satisfying.

You must listen to what she says after playing the song. It made me blush.

Whilst directing you to Lynn's site, I should also mention these lovely folks who have been spinning my music this week on their podcasts. The first is another one of our friends from the UK. The last two are in german, so you might want to get a headphone splitter for your ipod and enjoy those two with your friend Gunter.

DaleCast-Episode #316
(Marlboro Man-Jefrodisiac's Italo Disco Mix)

Studio 3-Schwul Dabei-Episode Nackish
(Marlboro Man-Radio Edit)

Daily Pod mit Christoph Till-Episode #302
(Fishnet Sailor)

The Death of Customer Service

After a slow and agonizing battle with apathy and disgruntledness,
customer service was pronounced dead today at around 3:15 Eastern Standard Time.
Being a long time fan of customer service, I mourned the loss like many,
by asking to speak with customer service's supervisor.
The supervisor promised to call me back, but alas,
I have held my breath until a tinge of blue has enveloped my entire body.
Perhaps the supervisor also fell victim to a similar malady to that which cut short the life of customer service.
I would call back to confirm my suspicions, but I fear that the zombified corpse of customer service might answer the phone and pulverize my brains with a subsonic death rattle.

I have resigned myself to never special order anything ever again.
I have also asked jesus to give me the serinity to accept the fact that
my expectations should remain as low as a hooker's panties
following a night at the bingo parlor.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Climate Protester Attempts to Superglue himself to British Prime Minister

You really can't make this stuff up.
This is absolutely brilliant.
(read the story here)

In related news, I've been working on
a rough demo of "Duct Tape and Superglue"
I'm really happy with where it is going.
I will share when the time is right.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

R.I.P. Estelle Getty (1923-2008)

Let's have a moment of silence for my favorite "Golden Girl" who slipped away from us this morning.
She had been ill and suffering dementia for quite some time. I hope she is in a better place, at peace.
Thank you Estelle for the countless smiles and laughter you brought us all.

Garden Party 25

As previously posted, It was my pleasure to perform this year at Garden Party 25 here in NYC, the official kick-off to Gay Pride hosted by the hillarious and very gracious Kate Clinton.

You can see the smallest of snippets from Out At The Center, the television show for the LGBT Center here in NYC.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


I made a big step yesterday and put down a deposit
to special order my new preamp.
It's a big chunk of money,
so hopefully the economy won't completely collapse just yet.
Now the hard part, waiting.
I'm not a very patient person by nature.

I added another item to the spreadsheet
detailing the plugins, microphones, pieces of equipment, new studio monitors, etc. that are going into the studio.
This one isn't as necessary as others, but rather exciting.

I use a program called reason to create beats, instrumental sounds, etc.
For Sunrise at the speakeasy we used two mellotron samples for Unplug and Mr. Carpentier, which I adore.

Propellerhead has just come out with an Abbey Road refill for reason, meaning additional samples for purchase which include keyboards, organs and yes mellotron. The instruments were recorded in Abbey Road studio with the equipment there. If you go to the instruments page and listen, you'll see why I'm so excited.

<check it out...especially the mellotron samples>

The song Yesterday by the Beatles was recorded in Abbey Road Studio.

After giving my life's savings to a music store, we met up with Carrie Thomas to eat nachos, drink and for her to give Konstantine the photos she took of him over the weekend. She got some really great shots. It was interesting to be there while she shot. K was nude half the time, with it all hanging out. My prudish midwestern upbringing made me feel that it was funny yet at the same time, he is so beautiful naked and it was just Carrie and didn't feel awkward at all. Over fourth of July weekend K and I ran naked through a soccerfield. We both felt so free. It's a good thing we didn't get arrested.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Temptation thy name is iphone

Much like the apple that tempted eve,
this little apple is another forbidden fruit,
a pandora's box if you ask me. Do I need the internet in my pocket? No one needs the internet in their pocket.
Oh so sleek. Must resist. Must be sensible and spend money on recording equipment.
I am buying a new preamp for the studio this week, afterall. Not as much fun as an iphone yet more expensive. ugh.

My phone is a $20 samsung brick off of ebay. It barely texts
and sometimes it just shuts off spontaneously.
so sad.I had a phone for a while where I had to shove a cuticle trimmer into it to turn it on and off. I referred to it as my phone tooI. I remember a stranger catching me in an ATM vestibule fighting with my phone, yelling at it and shoving the phone tool in and out of it. My reaction was to laugh hysterically further promoting a first impression that I might not be stable or sane. I feel like jesus wants me to have an iphone. My ipod now only plays music in one side...only one ear...and my phone spontaneously started shutting itslelf off 3 days before the launch of the new iphone. That has to be jesus, right?
Oh and I got a $30 gift certificate to apple for my birthday.... Jesus?

I can try to justify it all I want, but in my heart I know that I do not need an iphone.
I shall spend my money on rice, beans, bacon and recording equipment.
I must make sacrifices for the greater good. :)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

...In 5 days

the howling,
the longing and yearning,
the elaborate sometimes successful attempts at escape,
the vagina tap dance
will end

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Magic Toilet
(speaks japanese, teaches lessons)

It's great to smile. A good laugh is good for the soul. I'm pleased to say this japanese video is not only informative but also will make you laugh so hard you'll crap your pants. Luckily there's a magical talking toilet, there to help you when you get that funny feeling.

I want cartoon animals to sing a happy theme song every time I go to the toilet from now on. That would rule.

Crazed Cat in Heat Terrorizes City

Unless you've been through it, You can't fully comprehend the absolute torment unleashed on the owner of a cat in heat.
After returning from the beach on Sunday we were greeted by our very loving cat, a little too loving. The sounds coming from her mouth slowly progressed from loving tender purrs to demon howls that conjured blood curdling visions of flesh being ripped off slowly in layers. She frantically began flopping all over the ground, rubbing up against everything and doing things to the fridge that once again will remain unspeakable. The meowing is incessant. The writhing is unstoppable. I've heard neighbors talking in the halls, obviously tormented by her shreakish screams. If they only knew.

The horrors that I have seen have turned my pasty skin a shade of white that would give a piece of laser copy paper a run for its money. The cat has an appointment to be fixed on July 20th, the earliest date we could get. I fear that I may go mad before then. I have brushed her until I can't brush her anymore. I have fed her, hoping it would silence her, but halfway through eating, she goes back to howling. She stands on the air conditioner looking longingly into the alley for some relieve to the raging storm in her vagina. There is no hope. She will destroy us all. There is no containing her lust for the flesh. Oh god, someone, please help us.

I have been working on a demo, though it is taking soooo long. unfortunately I can't make demon cat howling work in the guitar tracks. Once the storm has calmed, I will post something here. Until then, all I have to offer is this diagram showing the reproductive system of a female cat.

Apparently It's Madonna Week

Alright, I had to. Like a Prayer has come into the discussion, so here is Oh Father.
I think this is one of Madonna's most real heartfelt songs. Sometimes when I hear this it makes me cry.
We won't talk about why unless you have a degree in psychiatry, a comfortable couch and a lot of time on your hands.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Which do you prefer?

I must admit that I am not a Madonna fan.

I know. Gasps of homo horror just reverberated through the blog-o-sphere.
I will also admit that a few of her songs are guilty pleasures.
You never know what's going on underneath my headphones.
After all, Ace of Base, Abba and Britney Spears are all on my ipod.

I probably shouldn't have brought up the subject of madonna.
After all, you can't throw a brick in a homo bar without hitting a madonna fan in the head.
Don't throw a brick in a homo bar, by the way.
It's not a good way to test my theory and they have stricter penalties for hate crimes.

I do have to give some respect to Madonna for pushing the envelope.
However, when her American Life video came out, she caved under pressure to censor herself.

I must say that I think this is a good example of how censorship ruins art.

Check out the two versions of the video and let me know what you think.

American Life Censored:
(the boring version that aired)

American Life Uncensored:
(the edgy interesting version that should have aired)

While we're on the subject of Madonna,
I think the video to What it feels like for a girl, directed by her husband, Guy Ritchie, is brilliant.

Alright, if you throw a brick in a homo bar, you might hit me. NO BRICKS and NO THROWING!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Kitten of the Day
(Just because)

After wading through the piles of kittens submitted for this feature, i had a hard time choosing just one. It was a tie. A baby chicken was thrown in for good measure.

Figure It Out

The Rant's very own Carrie Thomas has just posted a riddle in response to the letter we received regarding Elliot Smith.
I post this image as a clue. The answer to your letter comes cryptically and in pieces dear reader. I have only owned one Elliot Smith CD. It was a gift from Kassandra Smith formerly known as Jessica Dowell and one half of a set of identical twins who I met at drama camp in Lawton, Oklahoma.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Angry Tranny Beats Innocent Cashier With Payless Pump

Earlier today I posted a blog pertaining to a homophobic note that was posted at a local Rite Aid in New York City.
I was outraged by the story I read on Queerty's blog. Since posting said blog, the story has developed further. I took down the posting so as to not encourage the proliferation of misinformation before I was able to post this.

Afterall, I would not want a sensationalistic headline like to one above to become a reality.

The note was indeed posted at Rite Aid, but it seems that it was not posted by a Rite Aid employee or sanctioned by the company.

You can read all about it here.

In related news, according to both Lucky Bitch Radio and The Minneapolis Star Tribune Rupaul actually did kick a photographer in the head with her pump while performing in Minneapolis.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Liberty and Justice For All?

As you hit the highway this holiday weekend and fill your tank with the most expensive gas that's ever been sold, take a moment to think about liberty and justice for all, an ideal on which this nation was formed.

The United States has per capita the most people in prisons of any country in the world. For every 100,000 people, 715 are incarcerated. It seems that a lot of people lose their freedom to keep this place "the land of the free."

We are slipping as a nation, not just economically. Democracy is a precious thing.
We've unfortunately been trampling it for some time.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Starbucks To Put 12,000 people out of work

Go to almost any city in the center of this country and you will find that its beating heart has been ripped out and replaced by a strip mall. Everywhere you go, you see the same chain restaurants, wal-marts, Best Buys. Our country is wrapped in chains.

I think that large corporate entities like these are inherently evil. Their focus is purely on profit and lacks a real connection to the community whose money they gladly suck out of their pockets. The small acts of "community involvement" in which they participate are calculated acts of public relations.

This is part of what I loved about New York City when I moved here a decade ago. Every neighborhood had its own flavor and it was not a strip mall like the rest of this country. Over the last ten years I have seen the monster that sucked the life and individuality out of every other city, wrap its clammy hands around the neck of my beloved New York with a stranglehold that brought forth a starbucks and a gap on every corner. Yes, I exhagerate, but not too profusely.

Today it was announced that Starbucks would be shuttering 600 retail locations and throwing 12,000 employees out onto their asses.

This is where the problem lies with large corporate beasts like starbucks. They come into an area and put all the mom and pop places out of business. These are businesses that are a part of the community and would struggle through hard times to stay afloat. Starbucks however looks at a larger picture of profitability on a national scale devoid of caring on a community level. They will gladly close 600 locations that are underperforming, leaving vacant those spaces to maintain their profit margins.

They essentially leave the community with a gutted building that used to be a starbucks and an empty boarded up "tea and bean" or whatever the coffee house was called that preceeded them.

The bloated underbelly of capitalism is showing itself more and more these days.

I urge you to support small american owned businesses. They are the lifeblood of this country. They are the real american dream. If we all work together and quit feeding the beast of corporate america, we might just be able to take back our country. We might just be able to destroy the structure that feeds Washington lobbyists. These are idealistic thoughts, I know.

There is one thing I have come to learn. This place runs on money. The way you choose to spend your money may have more of an impact than pulling a lever in a voting booth.

On that note, Your recommended listening for today is Dar Williams' Play the Greed, lyrics below

Play The Greed

I finally learned that the market's righteous holler
Comes from a pale face on a paper dollar
And I betcha got few bucks in your hemp wallet
So throw a tiny wrench in the fiber optic wires
Morals are cheap and you can be the buyers
We can let 'em poison and perish foreign lands
Or we can play the greed right into our hands

Oh, woah - oh, woah
Everybody says it can't happen here
Everybody says it can't happen here
Things'll turn around just as sure as they said it
Hell, things change and they all take credit

So ask why there's only forty songs on a station
And ask your cafe about their coffee's plantation
And why is it Arizona hasn't gone solar?
And tell your print shop that hemp grows faster
And it doesn't mean a back room clear cut disaster
The market doesn't care but it wants to understand
And you can play the greed right into your hands

Oh, woah - oh, woah
Smiling man says it can't happen here
Channel 4 says it can't happen here
Things'll turn around just as sure as they said it
Hell, the change comes and they all take credit

So roll up your pennies and do your battle
The chairman will start quoting Chief Seattle and
Put little tree frogs on their letterhead
'Cause the market resists and the market absorbs
With a five-pointed leaf on the cover of Forbes
The very same people turned valleys to dams
These are the ones that drain prairies to sand
And they'd just as soon you didn't know this land is your land
But we can play the world back into our hands

Oh, woah - oh, woah
Malcom's gonna say it can't happen here
Rupert's gonna say it can't happen here
Things'll turn around just as sure as they said it
Hell, things change and they'll always take the credit

Oh, woah - oh, woah
Oh, woah - oh, woah
Oh, woah - oh, woah

Hell the change comes
Let's let 'em take the credit

A Letter from Our Mailbox
(response to follow)

"I was so excited for the first time in a long while about something i heard.

I was just chillin' listening to pandora. Elliot Smith's "Color Bars" to be exact. i was like, 'holy crow! i love it. I want to do sound for him! i want to go see a show!" 1st time I ever heard of him. i check it out a little further... From portland... Cool! But I had no idea that he passed away almost 5 yrs ago. Really shocked me. it does not help that his music is so melancholy. Goose-pimples!

I can't believe he's not around. i am sad to wonder what he could have written next.

F*ck. Now i'm Pissed. But still sad.

Robert, I just wrote you b/c i am sure you have heard of him? Can you share -some sort of personal connect or story, of this man- with me(or your blog)? if you have any?"

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Attack of the Phantom Chicken

I smell fried chicken. It took me a while to realize that there is no friend chicken cooking anywhere in the vicinity.
Maybe I have begun to run low on some essential vitamin or phytonutrient that can only be obtained by scarfing down a heaping helping of KFC or Popeyes. I don't know. It's weird. I'm like an amputee who feels an itch on his no longer present toe.

Is phantom fried chicken a sign of brain tumor?

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