Thursday, November 30, 2006

Chloe & Ferdinand (Critters Part 2)

Photo of and by the fancily footedCarrie Thomas

They loved with a passion befitting a trashy romance novel.
Though I was happy for them, it brought out my jealous side, which is never pretty.
Eventually though, I became accustomed to their being around and didn't know how I could live without them.

Chloe was a beauty, the kind of girl who wins the homecoming crown but still has a heart of gold. You want to hate her but you can't. She has great bone structure and will grow old gracefully. Her feathers were whiter than freshly fallen snow with little speckles of brown that said, "hey, I'm Cindy Crawford, I have a beauty mark."

Ferdinand was a dancer. He could puff his chest up with best of them. His tight muscular legs supported a beefy body that somehow floated gracefully above the ground when he would come courting the ladies.

These two exceptional creatures found each other in a city where I'm sure it's hard to find a good pigeon, let alone one with whom you could settle down and raise a family.

The heat in our little apartment on 12th street was always too high, so we kept the window in the kitchen cracked a few inches. I had noticed the birds flying around outside the window, which wasn't that unusual. I didn't notice however that two of them had begun to build a nest on our window sill. It wasn't until I went into the kitchen one morning and saw Chloe, beautiful Chloe sitting on the nest that I realised a pair of lovers had moved in. At first, I would go to the stove, which was right by the window, and Chloe would frantically fly away. She was never gone for long though, fearing her eggs would get too cold.

Eventually, we came to an understanding that I was not going to bother them. In fact, I quite enjoyed the company. I would cook my breakfast and chat with Chloe. I'm sure she appreciated the chit-chat with Ferdinand off foraging for food. Of course one day, Chloe was gone and Ferdinand was sitting at the nest, and I must admit that we didn't have a lot to talk about.

As spring began to thaw the winter, three of the ugliest little creatures you've ever seen busted out of that nest. Let me just say that there is nothing more awkward looking than a baby pigeon. However, over time these gnarly little munchkins grew fuzzle which began to form into feathers and they were adorable.

It was about a week until the pigeons would fly. They were testing their wings. Unfortunately this was the week when we had to move out of the apartment on 12th street and into the place on 3rd avenue. I decided to have a conversation with the girl who was moving into the place to make sure she let the pigeons live.

It was a sad day, when I found out from a downstairs neighbor that the nest had disappeared and the window had closed as soon as the girl moved into the apartment.

My heart went out to Ferdinand and Chloe. I had grown so fond of them. I had watched all of their dedication, love and hard work. It hurts my soul to realize the cruelty that resides in the human heart. A woman's hand ruined in moments what had taken months to build without a second thought. We often refer to animals as savages. Most animals only kill to survive or to protect themselves. Men kill without need, without regard and without reverence for the beauty that each life holds, whether it be an Iraqi child or a baby bird.


Photo by the gorgeous & Talented
Carrie Thomas

When I was in the 4th grade, my parents were called into my gradeschool to deal with the backlash of my hyperactivity. I had apparently become a distraction to the other students by making strange noises. Most of these students were probably so harmed by my noisemaking that they were unable to acheive success beyond the dead-end jobs they found in that small Oklahoma town.

I take full responsibility for their failure.

Of course my life of audio pollution didn't end in the 4th grade. I am a serial noise maker. I have always been fascinated and oddly connected to animals and as such have found the need to communicate with them. I used to spend hours in my apartment on 5th avenue in Brooklyn watching the pigeons dancing on the adjacent rooftop,studying their sounds and later calling them to me, much like a siren, though
I meant no harm.

The gravity of my noisemaking became undeniably apparent on a trip to Boston to visit Chan Chuy Yi or Chewy as I liked to call her back in the day when we lived in our first roach infested apartment,and I worked 80 hours a week for an entire summer.

We were walking through Boston Common when I decided that I wanted to chat with the squirrels. I started my little clicking/nibbly noises and it made chewy smile. Squirrels began coming towards us from all directions, not two or three but at least a dozen. Soon,We were surrounded by squirrels and they were closing in. I'm not sure what I was saying to them exactly, but it must have been quit intriguing.

Chewy clutched my arm and ordered me to stop.
I wonder what would have happened if I had kept talking to the squirrels.

Two nights ago, I was walking on Montague street at 1 in the morning, guitar in tow. I stumbled upon a churchyard where two rats were having a very intense conversation. I stopped and listened for a while. Sometimes, you have to have conversations with the critters or at least pay attention to what they have to say.

We all have to get along in this world, and I hope that by doing my part, the critters feel a human connection. I'd rather introduce myself to the rats and be on speaking terms than meet them in a dark alley when they're having a bad day. It's best to establish a cordial relationship from the get-go. Don't think for a second that rats don't talk by the way, if you piss one of them off, you are in serious trouble.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Mr. Carpentier

I am pleased to announce that instead of going into a post-turkey coma, I finished a new song, Mr. Carpentier.
I am super excited about this little tune as it is inspired by an amazing friend.

I will be introducing it to the world at my next show on Dec. 7th.

Monday, November 20, 2006

My alter-ego

Occasionally when the mood strikes me and I feel posessed, I embrace my alter-ego.
It is in these moments that I cannot resist the urge to climb atop a piano.

Sometimes it's good to let loose and get the demons out.

The Song: Tori Amos' Ode to the Banana King(part 1)
The Singer: Robert German
On the Piano: Jeff Cubeta
Location: The D-Lounge, Union Square, NYC
Video produced by: Bizarre Farm
Courtesy of Brian Maschka and the Snake Oil Show

Friday, November 17, 2006

A Shout "Out"

This week, re-released a podcast from December of last year when I sat down with founder, Ryan Norbauer to discuss everything from religion and polution to the then untitled album I was recording.

Included are alternate and demo versions of songs that are on the album.

I greatly admire what Ryan is doing with this site. There should be more things like this out there
If you're a man of the "man-on-man" persuasion not looking to disco til your dick falls off, then you should pay this site a visit.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Coffee or Tea?

Photo by the very talented Carrie Thomas

I stumble groggy and confused, bumping into and tripping over things, the result of 6 months without two consecutive nights of decent sleep. I find myself taking cat naps on the train, unaware of my surroundings and not really caring if I am mugged or assaulted just as long as I can get a little bit of rest between frantic efforts to accomplish something. What is this something? Is it worth the toll that it is taking on me?

I switched from coffee to tea in an effort to ease the jittering hyperactivity that I tend to induce when overcompensating for that which can not be replaced, regular deep sleep.

I'm writing sad songs and eating massive amounts of bacon. Last night I devoured half a package of lower sodium bacon, not a choice, but rather the only thing the deli had at 2:00 in the morning on the way home from my gig. It was given to me like a fresh newborn wrapped in a glistening plastic skin. It tasted oddly saltier than regular bacon which made me think I might be losing my mind.

Crazy people obsess about things like global warming and conspiracy theories. Sometimes I think they are spouting the jumbled truth, and we are too caught up in our desensitized little lives to smell the coffee, the roses, or the shit that is stuck to our shoes.

I've become very concerned with the world and its demise, marked today by temperatures so warm you could wear shorts. People have decided that they will wear their thick woolen coats and vests simply because it is November and not because they are necessary. This is part of their denial that the Earth is frying away on the fossil fuel griddle.

At every deli where I buy food wrapped in plastic shoved in a plastic bag, I am greeted with fistfulls of disposable plastic forks wrapped in plastic. I try to refuse them, but deli workers are confused and offended when you don't take as much plastic as your arms can carry. After using or not using this plastic, I throw it in a garbage bin lined with more plastic.

I feel caught up in the momentum of the Earth's destruction and unable to stop it.
I also feel oh so tired. Now what do I do? The question is whether I have coffee or tea. Either way, it will be served in a disposable cup with a plastic top and I will eventually throw it into a plastic bag and jitter my way on to my next act of global annihilation.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Follow Me Home/Knock on My Door-Lyrics

Follow Me Home

I was dressed to the nines,
it was a quarter to five.
You were standing on the platform waiting for the train to arrive.
When I saw your pretty face I had to grab the pole to brace my fall.
She touched her nose then touched the pole.
I think this pole has touched it all.
Two more stops then I'll be home,
climb up the stairs
turn out the light
crawl into bed
and fall asleep alone
You could follow me home, boy.
I said You could follow me home.
If you'd like to get to know me just a little bit more,
You just gotta knock on my door.

Knock on my door

and I will come.
You've just gotta ask
and I'll give you some.
You don't need money, honey.
This little ride's for free.
Knock on my door and I'll slip you the key.

Pull down your pants
and pull down the shade.
We'll call it a night
when some love's been made.

Fuck me so hard that the neighbors complain
and the cops have to tear us apart.
Knock on my door and I'll give you my heart.

The morning will break
and the sun will rise
and I'll wipe the sleep
from your clear blue eyes.

and I'll start your day in a way
that just couldn't feel better to me.
I'll knock on your door and You'll slip me the key.

Today is the day!

Buy it at CDBABY!

Download it from iTunes!

...................................As you probably know, I've been working on a little album called Sirens of Brooklyn. I'm excited to announce that today is the official release. All proceeds from the sale of this album go towards feeding a little independent musician, aka, me. So, hopefully you will buy it and get all your friends to buy it so I don't have to get Sally Struthers to do a really sad commercial for me. I can't actually afford Sally Struthers, so you should probably just buy the album.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Chorus of Hebrew Slaves

I have completed most of the recording on Unplug,
a new track for my next album.

When I went to play the song through iTunes the title
"Chorus of Hebrew Slaves" came up for it.
This is oddly appropriate. You'll just have to wait a while to find out why.

Saturday, November 11, 2006


Tune in to Radio Crystal Blue
This Sunday, Nov. 12th at 7pm.
They will be playing music
from my soon-to-be-released album
Sirens of Brooklyn.

Don't forget.
The album comes out on Tuesday Nov. 14th.
Every copy purchased is another meal I can eat and well, I like to eat.

Listen to the show

Friday, November 10, 2006

Tonight on WOR Radio

Tune in at 2am EST to hear me on the nationally syndicated Joey Reynold's show on WOR Radio, 710 HD broadcasting from New York City. You can listen online, on 710 AM or 710 HD if you have a receiver.
Listen to the show!


Thursday, November 09, 2006

Do Ask. Do Tell.

The tide has turned and the democrats have taken control of the legislative branch of my country.

Upon hearing this news I immediately went out and bought a goat, not just any goat but a young and very energetic goat. If you are going to commit to living your life with another, it is best to find one that can make it through the long haul. I never thought this unholy union would be possible. The Republicans repeatedly said, "hey, well if we allow gay marriage, then what next? People will marry goats."

I have anticipated this next and natural step by purchasing Theodore, the best goat you could ever imagine. Though I know we will have to fight long and hard before people will accept our union, in the end I know that it will have been a worthwhile struggle.

Also, I have joined the army. Many of you may be familiar with the Don't Ask Don't tell policy. maybe you don't remember, but this policy was passed under president clinton, a democrat president. I am very pleased that soon we will implement the do ask and do tell policy. I'm holding tightly to Theodore until that day arrives.

The 1 and the 9

Lemon Scented is #1
on Bear Radio's top 10 requested songs.

Marlboro Man is #9
on the same countdown.

Thank You to bear Radio for playing the songs.

You can listen and request the songs by going to

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Cellphone is the New Cigarette

Photo by Carrie Thomas

In case you hadn't noticed, smoking has gone out of fashion. Once a tool of actors at the dawn of the silver screen , a symbol of rebellion and a post-coital requisite, the cigarette has reached a level of appeal formerly reserved for asbestos and radio-active sludge.

I was speaking last evening with my good friend, Jason, about this very subject. He was lamenting the loss of his smoking friends to their non-smoking lifestyles, me included.

When I first moved to New York a trip to a bar meant smoke filled rooms that brought your eyes to tears and left your clothes smelling like an old man's smoking jacket. When the city passed a smoking ban in bars, the smoky atmosphere was replaced by an odd smell that can only be described as cleaning products used to cover up the smell of stale smoke. For a while, this chemical smell lingured. Now, I don't really notice any smell at all upon entering a bar.

Cigarettes, though thoroughly demonized served a purpose. This purpose was to create an illusion of busy-ness. People want something to fiddle with, suck on and flick to keep from staring at a blank wall letting others see how utterly alone and purposeless they fear they look.

Cigarettes are also a barrier. People fear close contact and interaction. A cigarette is a distraction, a reason to pause in a conversation and think of a witty retort while taking a long deep drag.

Obviously this void had to be filled. Thank god that angels decended from the heavens bearing cellphones, sidekicks and treos. These gifts have allowed for constant contact, something so necessary for human existence. Why carry on a conversation with someone when you can pretend you're listening while text messaging? Are we more connected? I think the answer is no. We are all disconnecting from each other. We are plugging in and unplugging from reality.

Ask yourself the question....How long can you go without grabbing your little device to check your messages, send a text, or pretend you're busy? How long can you go without taking a deep drag?

Yes, the cellphone is the new cigarette.

#16 on Sirius OutQ

Open Wide(Track 2) on my debut album Sirens of Brooklyn is #16 on the Sirius OutQ Hot 20!

Send an email to requesting the song to be played.

You can hear the song on his show, Last Call with Jermey Hovies
Tuesday-Saturday 1am-7am Eastern on Sirius Satellite radio channel 106.

And now a word from our sponsor

Without shameless begging, independent musicians would surely starve.