Monday, April 28, 2008


After the birth of my nephew I wrote a new song on piano.
It's never been played live but was played at a ceremony
in Kansas for my nephew's dedication to the church.

Go to sleep
Go to sleep little one.
Count your sheep.
Count your sheep. The day is done.
Close your eyes and dream
of little ducklings in the water
swiming close behind their mother.
Soon they will fly
Soon they will fly away.

Little one
Litte one you've much to learn.
We had our chance.
We had our chance. Now it's your turn.
All we can do is watch you as you're
catching fireflies in a jam jar
leaving grass stains in her new car.
Soon you will fly.
Soon you will fly away.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The thin line between love and murder

I once again find myself stumbling through the world quite sleep deprived.
The last few nights I've been tossing and turning. I woke up last night very suddenly to see that both alarm clocks, which are next to each other read 4:44 4:44.

This freaked me out. What is the universe trying to tell me? What is the signifigance of the 4's. The two alarm clocks run a minute apart and are only in sync for a few seconds. There is obviously some secret message from the deep, but what is it?

Last night K was snoring like a freight train rattling my skull. I'm not a violent person, but sometimes I hit him while in my half conscious state. I should clariy. it's more of a nudge, a firm nudge. There is a thin line between love and murder. For me, it is in the form of breathe right nasal strips. Sometimes I wonder if K would have been beaten to death in his sleep if it weren't for these little marvels of modern science. I kid.

Though the strips failed me last night and yet my boyfriend's life has been spared. I have reisted my half concious instincts to shove and hit him. I managed to gently roll him over onto his side with the knowledge that this disturbance in sleep was only temporary.

I wonder if putting two strips on his nose instead of one would make them doubly effective. We will have to do further testing to find out.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Reducing Your Carbon Footprint

photo by Carrie Thomas

As a child I was taught the three R's of Environmental conscientiousness.

Today I'm going to focus on the first R: Reduce defines the carbon footprint as

"a measure of the impact our activities have on the environment in terms of the amount of greenhouse gases we produce. It is measured in units of carbon dioxide."

You can go to their website to calculate your own footprint. They also list ways that you can reduce the negative impact your habits may have on this planet.

I am lucky to live in a city where I rarely need to take a car and where public transportation and walking, rollerblading or biking are the main forms of transport.
Unfortunately that is not the case with most American cities. Reducing the amount you drive, carpooling and buying hybrid or energy efficient cars with good gas mileage are a few things you can do if you live in a car heavy area. If you don't need to drive, You can walk or ride a bike. It's good for your health and the environment.

We recently switched all the lights in our apartment to compact fluorescent lights. CFLs as they are called use 60-80% less energy than their incandescent counterparts.
They cost a little bit more than regular bulbs but last for up to 6 years of use. You will be doing your part to help reduce energy consumption by simply changing a light bulb. An added benefit is the money you will save on your electric bills.

One habit I inherited from my father is that I turn off lights in rooms where light is not needed. If I am not in the kitchen, the light is off. I turn it on when I need to cook or do dishes and then turn the light off. This simple habit of turning lights off when you leave rooms will reduce your energy consumption and save you money. This can also be applied to electronic devices. Turning off computers, unplugging cellphones and not leaving stereos on when you are not playing music are all little things you can do to reduce your carbon footprint. Unplug everything connected to the wall. Reach out your hands and unplug it all.

Finally, I'd like to mention plastic bags and hearken back to my plastic obsession. I carry a messenger bag and if I can fit my purchases into that bag, then in they go. If you don't need a plastic bag, then don't take one. Get into the habit of taking your own bags with you to the supermarket. Most grocery stores give you a discount for every bag you bring in. I save all my plastic bags and take them with me to the grocery store. It saves money on groceries and makes me feel a little better about doing my part. These may seem like little things, but with 300 million people in this country using one less bag per day, that is a reduction of 109.5 BILLION bags per year.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Happy Earthday
Free Download

Happy Earth Day. I prefer to keep it upbeat even though Anderson Cooper
is right that our planet is in peril.
Click here to download a free demo of plastic bottles. This is my gift to you on Earth Day.
This song was inspired by the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn. I used to cross the canal on my way to the recording studio. The water is so polluted that it reflects purple and green shimmers of light and gives off a sulpher smell. If there are fish in this water, they are not what one might call normal and are definitely not edible. It saddens me to see our planet destroyed at such an alarming rate.

We have worked to fight factory pollution in this country only to allow companies to move those factories to China where the problem of pollution is much like the conditions of Europe during the industrial revolution. I watched a program where farmers in china were putting plants in greenhouses because the air pollution is so horrible that the plants were dying if exposed to the air.

The ice caps are melting. The Ozone Layer is being destroyed.
It's time for each of us to make a difference in our own lives. Small acts of conscienciousness can make a huge difference. I hope to be part of the solution and not part of the problem. It takes effort but we can and should get involved. This week I will be highlighting little things that you can do in your own life to be a good steward of this planet.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


on Saturday, June 14th at 10:30pm
I will be performing my most ambitious New York City show to date
at The Zipper Factory.
336 west 37th street (between 8th and 9th ave.)
Tickets are $15.

The Zipper Factory Theater, located in midtown Manhattan, is a renovated Factory with a unique and intimate feel. The audience seating is comprised of recycled car and theater seats, holding at capacity 240, and that is just the beginning of the unique personality of the space. Past engagements include Margaret Cho's The Sensuous Woman; Bebe Neuwirth in Here Lies Jenny; Alan Cumming in Elle; Lypsinka in The Passion of the Crawford; BETTY in BETTY Rules; and Henry Rollins in Caught in the Zipper. The comedians who have graced The Zipper's stage include Joy Behar, Sarah Silverman in Jesus is Magic, Barry Humphries, Judy Gold, Lewis Black, Murray Hill, and Dean Obeidallah. Past music acts include The Last Town Chorus, Jay Brannan, Antony and the Johnsons, Scott Matthew, Marshall Crenshaw, Old Spring Pike, GrooveLily, Zen For Primates, Ute Lemper, Audra McDonald, Idina Menzel, Sherie Rene Scott, Euan Morton, Tom Wopat and Michael Cerveris, as well as the Scissor Sisters, who filmed their controversial Filthy/Gorgeous music video at The Zipper (directed by John Cameron Mitchell). Upcoming artists include Nellie McKay, Creation Nation, Megan Mullally and Supreme Music Program, The Main Squeeze Orchestra and a workshop-in-residence with Magnetic Fields.

Soooo exciting!!! Please come and bring 50 of your closest friends, hobos, strangers, basically charter a bus for this show. It is not to be missed.

Did you see the debate?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Hey, nice top

I was mindlessly wandering through the local Brooklyn Target looking to buy things I didn't need. We all have to do our part to plug the holes in this rotten boat that is the US economy. Unfortunately everything you buy is made in china, so stimulating the US economy is a bit trickier these days. You have to seek out lesbians by the side of the road with signs that say "will macrame for food" selling organic fruit and hemp bracelets made at their weekly knitting circle.

Just an FYI...If you need a guitar case to toss your $600 IRS check into, I have one. Just let me know the street corner where I should stand on to serenade you. I'll even wear my jeans with holes in them and something that looks slightly hipsterish. Art is cool. Suffering for art is soooo cool.

I've decided I need to buy a sewing machine. Apparently watching too many episodes of project runway makes me think that I might have that special undiscovered talent to turn left over cheetos bags into one-of-a-kind couture creations.
No. I'm serious. I have sewing fever people. I made a skirt out of an old pair of jeans once, using a dinosaur of a singer sewing machine from the 1950's.

Now I find myself reading sewing blogs from crazy old women complaining about bobbins and tension and things that matter most when your body hasn't been touched in a desirous way for years. These are the people who are eaten alive by their 20 cats, lying motionless next to a half opened can of fancy feast. I trust their opinions beyond the shadow of a doubt.

I like the concept of vintage sewing patterns, but I noticed an odd recurring theme. The men's patterns are really gay. I showed one to K and he said it reminded him of a Tom of Finland print. This brings about very chicken or egg questions.

Was it the sewing pattern that made him gay or was it the gay that made the sewing pattern?


Monday, April 07, 2008

I broke a nail

Ahhhh! I broke a nail. Normally this would be a phrase to fall from the lips of a high maintenance prissy girl with a finely buffed French manicure. In my case, I use my fingernails to strum the guitar. My left hand is nubby where I chew the fingernails down to the quick. It's the hand that holds down the strings. My right hand however has long unkempt nails that look like that of a crazy old mountain man. I've resisted getting press on nails for a while, but it might be the time. Grow little fingernail. Grow now. I need you. If you can't grow fast little friend, I'll be forced to have an affair with Lee and her tempting Press-on-nails.


This weekend, whilst flipping through the channels on le tube, K and I came across a completely trippy music video. It made me laugh. It made me smile. It perplexed and confused me.

After watching this video, I got a little curious and decided to check out other videos by Of Montreal on Youtube. The 2nd video I found is by far the best.
Enjoy the deliciously trippy diversion that is Of Montreal.

Friday, April 04, 2008

You can stand under my umbrella

It's April in New York. In fact, it's April everywhere, well unless you live an an alternate dimension, but then again according the the show sliders, time is consistent in parallel dimensions so it would only not be April if the residents of said alternate dimension have developed a different calendar, which is totally plausable.
I digress.

The heavens have opened their floodgates pouring forth the nourishing showers that wash away the smell of urine and give life to spring flowers. An unfortunate consequence of this soppy month, other than rainsoaked uggs that smell like wet dog is the emergence of the super umbrella. Please see image above.

The super umbrella is the most selfish act of hatred perpetrated against the citizens of a city where space is limited and highly valued. These sociopaths have taken it on themselves to carry a personal tent that will knock you into the gutter and stab you in the eye as they open it coming up the subway stairs. You could fit a three ring circus with syncronized dancing baby seals under these damn things. I respect a person's right and need to stay dry during inclimate weather, but seriously, you people who assault innocent pedestrians with your barnum and baily brellas need to get up out of my grill, cuz I do have a dull nail file, and I will cut you. I kid, of course. I don't promote or condone violence toward assholes.

On another note, I'm pleased to announce that after months of searching for the perfect avacado, I have struck gold. Frequent trips to the produce section had proved to be unfruitful with avocados ranging from hard as a rock to soft as a sponge with little inbetween. I had become convinced that there was an army of mexicans who took all the edible avocados out of the stores at 4 am while I was sleeping. I however, am ok with this. Their need for good Avocados far outweighs mine and there are times when you have to suck it up for the greater good. Please note, not all mexicans eat avocados, in fact there may be some of our friends from south of the border who like bratwurst and KasseKuchen. This comment on avocados in no way should be taken as a blanket statement about Mexicans.

I do not condone or promote violence over avocados. I did however once fight a woman for a free ham at the local pathmark. She was black, I mean african american, actually she could have been jamaican, but I would have fought her for the ham if she were chinese or white. Actually, if she were chinese and old, I might have let her take the ham. I have a softspot in my heart for older asian women after reading Joy Luck Club. This should not be taken as a blanket statement about old asian women. Some are sweet as pie and some will claw your eyes out over a ham. Sometimes you have to make a judgement call, weighing your need for the prize ham against the need to keep your eyes. I won the hamfight, btw, and I've never had a ham that tasted so good.

***Disclaimer: The above post is in no way intented to disparage, degrade or otherwise stereotype any mentioned racial groups. I strongly believe in equality and respect for all people regardless of age, sex, race, sexual orientation, religion, lack of religion, and despite questionable fashion choices. I think laughter is the best medicine but should not come at the cost of hurting others. If you have found this article in any way, offensive, please let me know. I will enlist my half greek boyfriend in our predominantly carribean neighborhood to alter this posting in a way that will remove any offensive material***

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Uggh, when fashion kills

As warmer winds blow our way signaling the start of spring, the ladies begin to shed their layers. The emergence of mini skirts and shorts to show off those soft well shaven lady legs is all fine and good until someone gets hurt.

Despite the lack of rationale, it has become socially acceptable for women to wear Uggs (pictured above) without long pants amidst an obvious lack of snow. I blame Jessica Simpson for this tragic fashion misstep.

Not only is this combination a confusing footwear no no, but it is also a deadly time bomb, ticking away at the tender piggies of innocent young women, ready to cut their lives tragically short.

I direct you to the story of one such victim. If you care about your lady friends, you will save them from the clutches of sure death by showing them this article.

Remember, only you can prevent a fashion tragedy.

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