Jumble

At the end of October, I travelled to Vermont and finished the final mixes on my 2nd album. I also got to spend some quality time with my very good friend Chris who lives in Burlington and to take in a couple of wonderful live shows.

After Vermont, I trekked up to Montreal Canada and did a small performance. An extremely significant consequence of my trip to Vermont and Montreal was the loss of a friend. To me this loss has felt like a death. This person with whom I took my northern trip is not dead. I think it makes it even harder, because I have never been good at letting go of people, even if those people are hurting me. I thought my sadness over this loss had passed in December, but in the last week I find myself haunted by memories. I wish I could say that the memories were bad memories of horrible things this person did, which might make sense of it all. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on my perspective, these memories are almost all good, fun, happy memories. It is this which makes it that much harder and that much more painful for me. I find myself bombarded with flashes of a nostalgic look back at a friendship that is no more. I know that this person is still walking this earth, still there, but to me now, only as a part of my memory, a frozen sketch of moments in time, mashed together in some sort of obscene impressionistic jumble. The complexities of untangling them into some sort of cohesive fashion, sadly feel rather insurmountable.