Fragile

Today, I find myself fragile and raw for some reason.
Maybe it is lack of sleep.
Maybe it is stress, fear of failure, acknowledgement of failure.
I don't know.

I feel like the smallest wind could send me into tears.
A part of me holds it all together another part of me wants to fall to my knees and cry.

Sometimes I don't know if I can do it all.
I don't know what all this work is for.
I see a light at the end of the tunnel and imagine it to be a train.

Often, I don't revel in accomplishments.
I don't allow myself to be proud or happy.
I just look towards the next step.
It is uphill with the wind against my face.
The weather has changed. It is colder.
I haven't adjusted. Maybe it's just the weather.

I have given birth to another baby, a small one.
I have begun the presale for the Unplug single.
I wrote Unplug right after releasing sirens of brooklyn when I really felt exhausted and burnt out.

I had expected this monumental change, magic.
Instead I looked around to see that things were pretty much the same.
I couldn't answer my phone. I looked at the world crumbling around me, not my world, but rather the global sense of the world.

I am sure that tomorrow I will wake up with a spring in my step and a new found resiliance, but today I do not have it.

Tonight I go into the studio to work some more on glitters and sparkles and to add some vocals to ashes and dust. I will try to channel this for the greater good.