Thursday, July 10, 2008

Crazed Cat in Heat Terrorizes City



Unless you've been through it, You can't fully comprehend the absolute torment unleashed on the owner of a cat in heat.
After returning from the beach on Sunday we were greeted by our very loving cat, a little too loving. The sounds coming from her mouth slowly progressed from loving tender purrs to demon howls that conjured blood curdling visions of flesh being ripped off slowly in layers. She frantically began flopping all over the ground, rubbing up against everything and doing things to the fridge that once again will remain unspeakable. The meowing is incessant. The writhing is unstoppable. I've heard neighbors talking in the halls, obviously tormented by her shreakish screams. If they only knew.

The horrors that I have seen have turned my pasty skin a shade of white that would give a piece of laser copy paper a run for its money. The cat has an appointment to be fixed on July 20th, the earliest date we could get. I fear that I may go mad before then. I have brushed her until I can't brush her anymore. I have fed her, hoping it would silence her, but halfway through eating, she goes back to howling. She stands on the air conditioner looking longingly into the alley for some relieve to the raging storm in her vagina. There is no hope. She will destroy us all. There is no containing her lust for the flesh. Oh god, someone, please help us.

I have been working on a demo, though it is taking soooo long. unfortunately I can't make demon cat howling work in the guitar tracks. Once the storm has calmed, I will post something here. Until then, all I have to offer is this diagram showing the reproductive system of a female cat.

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